Dream of a Lifetime: A KOTOR Parody
by Kawe n' Wessie
Summary: A Parody, based off a dream. Three comrades take the place of the PC, and hilarious hi-jinks ensue. Fairly AU, lots of changes to the plot. Eventually will contain spoilers, and rated T for minor language.
1. Wakie, Wakie Rise and Shakie!

Dream of a Lifetime: A KOTOR Parody

_**A/N**_ We don't want you readers to be horribly confused. So, there are a few things that you guys need to know before reading this...

**First off, this story is based off a dream that I had. It was quite a hilarious dream. When I told Cary she laughed, and as she was laughing she managed to convey that we should make my dream into a fan fiction.**

_Secondly, this fic is filled to the brim with all sorts of inside jokes, and references to other fandoms, 'cuz Leslie's mind is just that fantastical. We'll try to explain them best we can along the way, but if you don't completely understand, it's not your fault. Just nod and laugh along. And if you really don't get it, PM us and we'll try to explain it better than we did in the A/N._

**Thirdly, myself, Cary and our friend (who also plays KOTOR) Amanda are pretty much the main characters in the parody/walkthrough. **_So, instead of one PC, there are three. Yeah, kinda confusing, but it all works out... in the end._

Lastly, the ages of the characters are all messed up. Carth is 30, Canderous is 38, Leslie is 27, Cary is 32, and Amanda is 16.

Basically, we just want you to enjoy this (hopefully) high-larious read as best you can.

So without further ado, here is the first chapter.

...

Chapter 1 : Wakie, Wakie. Rise and Shakie!

Running frantically, Trask barged into his dorm to find all three of his roommates sleeping through all the chaos.

Deciding that if the chaos hadn't woken them up, he'd have to go to extreme measures to do so. Waving his arms like a fool, he shouted, "GET UP! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

No one moved.

Rolling his eyes he walked over to the nearest bunk (which happened to be Amanda's) and started to shake her shoulders quite violently.

Amanda rolled over and opened her eyes groggily. Looking up at Trask she asked quite stupidly, "Wuzzgoinon?"

Trask looked at her with exasperation and attempted (and failed) to speak in a calm voice, "I need you to get up and help me wake up the two lazy-bums over there or WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIE IN A FIERY EXPLOSION OKAY?!"

Amanda looked at Trask as if he was being a boob, and muttered, "Explode? I don't wanna explode! But fine. Be all control freaky on me... Make _me _get out of bed..."

Trask sighed, then proceeded to the next bunk. All that was visible above the blankets was a mass of dark, curly hair. Bending over the unconscious woman, Trask began to shake her. When that proved unsuccessful, he began singing loudly and off key, the most feared and hated song in all the galaxy, the Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves.

This proved to be very effective.

"NOOOOOO! MY _EARS! _My poor, poor ears! PLEASE, _SOMEONE_ CUT THEM OFF! Are they _BLEEDING?_"

A soft mumble could be heard from the last bed, "The human body can be completely drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems..."

Trask turned to look at the blonde figure that had spoken. "Well, that was both morbid and creepifying." Trask resumed the seemingly impossible task of getting his bunkmates out of bed.

After 10 minutes of fighting to steal the brunette's covers, he was finally successful. Ignoring the groans of protest, Trask moved to the last bunk.

Trask tried shaking, taking her covers, shouting, and singing loudly. None of it worked. Grumbling he turned and came face-to-face with his curly-haired roommate. She shook her head at him, muttering, "Amateur," and several curse words. She was not happy about being out of bed, despite the crisis, but decided that this was the perfect opportunity to take revenge on her sleeping roommate.

Moving to sit on the edge of the last bed, she leaned over, poked her friend gently and whispered, "I have _chocolate_."

Waking up at the mention of chocolate, the blonde sat up excitedly and asked, "Really?"

"No."

The younger woman looked like a kid who's puppy had just died.

"I hate you."

"I know."

They glared at each other for several moments, and then shouted, "GROUP HUG!"

Amanda rushed over and joined her friends in the embrace.

"I'm so glad you guys are finally up! That creepy guy over there woke me up! I thought I was going to DIE!"

Trask burst in saying heatedly, "Well we _are_ all going to die unless you three get a move on! And I resent that creepy comment!"

The young women all threw death glares at Trask, but prepared themselves anyways for whatever Trask was obsessing about. It was then, after they had nothing to distract themselves with, they noticed the flashing lights and the loud beeping noises.

All geared up, the girls and Trask, made their way out of the dorm, Trask explaining what was going on along the way. Miraculously, they were interrupted by the one, the only... Carth Onasi!

As Carth began to talk the tall blonde's eyes glazed over and she had a dreamy look on her face.

"This is Captain Carth Onasi on your personal communicator. The Sith have overrun our position, all hands to the bridge!"

Trask looked at the blonde as Carth finished speaking, "Is there something wrong with her?"

The two brunettes looked at Trask and told him, "No, she always does that. Whenever she sees Carth no matter what, she looks like a love-struck schoolgirl."

Waving her hand in front of the dazed woman's face, the taller, curly brunette coughed and spoke in a deep, 'manly' voice, "Leslie, this is your Captain speaking. We may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."

"Waa? OH MY GOD! Cary! Is Carth here? I don't see him!" as Leslie spoke she looked around frantically for her favorite orange-jacket-wearing person.

"No, Leslie Carth isn't here."

Upon hearing this Leslie, again had the someone-killed-my-puppy face on. "But! We are on our way to see him!" Cary told the dejected woman.

When she heard this, Leslie perked up and asked, "Well then. What are we waiting for? Christmas?"

With that, the quartet made their way through the ship towards the bridge. They encountered numerous Sith, and found them ridiculously easy to kill. Once they reached the bridge, where Carth Onasi was supposed to be, Leslie was extremely disappointed to find it devoid of their hunky pilot.

"It will all be okay," Cary comforted.

Leslie stared up at her, wide-eye. "No!" she cried, dramatically clutching Cary's arm. "It won't be alright! What if he's GONE! What if he's-"

Cary rolled her eyes. "Leslie, he can't be dead. You're forgetting that he's a necessary part of this plotline."

Trask looked confused. "Plotline? What plotline? What are you talking about?"

The three comrades looked at each other and said with innocent expressions, "Nothing..."

Leaving the carnage-filled room, they decided that the best course of action would be to get the hell out of the exploding ship, via the escape pods.

Unfortunately, their plans were temporarily foiled by a... DARK JEDI! le gasp!

"Oh no! A Dark Jedi!" Trask screamed, "You guys keep on going to the escape pods. I'll hold him off!"

"Uhhh... if the Dark Jedi are anything like the other Sith we've faced, shouldn't he be relatively easy to fight if we all took him at once?" Leslie said with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"NO! That's to logical!" interjected Cary.

"And besides, I want to go out in a blaze of glory! And... by the way, stop stealing my THUNDER!"

And with that, Trask oh-so-foolishly jumped into the room, the door closing behind him, to face his ultimate demise.

Shrugging, Amanda opened the elevator door. The three remaining companions proceeded to the next level of the ship. While in the elevator, they were surprised to find that, despite the chaos, the annoying elevator music still worked.

After exiting the elevator of doom, they were again interrupted by the smooth-voiced captain.

"This is Carth Onasi on your personal communicator-"

Leslie swooned.

"-I'm tracking your position through the Endar Spire's life support systems. Bastila's escape pod is away; you're the last surviving crew members on the Endar Spire. Now, I can't wait for you much longer, you have to get to the escape pods."

Before Carth could end the connection, Leslie stood up to her full height and spoke, "Aye, aye Captain Tight-Pants!"

Cary just turned her head and looked the other way. Amanda began to giggle as Leslie realized what she'd said. Carth gave all three of them a funny look and signed off.

As they walked through the dead Sith filled corridor, Leslie groaned, "I can not believe I said that to him! He'll think I'm a pervert or something! Always staring at his pants to know if his they're tight or not!"

Cary shook her head at her friend. "Come on, let's just keep moving. Unless, you know, you want to go with the whole, 'Well, since we've all been blown to smithereens now, he can't really think much, let alone accuse me of being a pervert.' route. If you wanna, that's great, but I kinda wouldn't mind getting out of here."

Leslie glared at her comrade-in-arms. "Shut up."

"Only if you say it in Chinese!"

"Bi zui."

Cary grinned, then moved to open the next door. They were interrupted once more by their oh-so sexy cause of distress, Carth.

"Be careful! There's a whole squad of Sith troopers in the next room. You need to find some way to thin their numbers. You could slice into the computer terminal, or repair the damaged assault droid if you have enough repair parts."

While Carth was talking, Leslie hid her face behind her hair. Cary, seeing this burst out in a fit of hysterical laughter, and was soon joined by Amanda. Carth, seeing the failed attempt to not be noticed, smiled and signed off.

Not feeling like bothering with the assault droid, as mechanics and Cary did _not_ mix, the brunette moved to the computer terminal. Examining it, she searched for a means to turn it on. Amanda, seeing her frustration, joined the quest to turn on the computer. After several minutes of frantic searching, Leslie became fed up. Walking over to the terminal, she read the bright flashing message on the screen. It read: "Press any key to start."

Confused, Leslie turned to Cary and spoke, "Uhh... it says press _any_ key to start Cary..."

Cary turned to face Leslie, anger and frustration in her voice, "But there _is _no 'Any' key! If I press the wrong thing, it might explode!"

Leslie sighed and pushed the two out of the way. She pushed the 'c' button. The computer immediately whirred to life. Leslie faced Cary and Amanda with a smug expression.

Cary threw her hands in the air, exasperated. "Don't blame me. It's not my fault that we didn't stop for caffa on the way..."

Amanda nodded her head in agreement.

Leslie, not paying attention to the excuse, burst out laughing. "Haha! Guys look at this!" Leslie pointed to the screen. The first option was in capital letters, 'COMPUTER HACKING TUTORIAL'. Amanda and Cary saw this and burst into giggles.

Amanda, between laughs managed to get out, "Haha! And the Republic wonders why its losing? Bwahaha!"

This only caused more laughter, and they made a mental note to ask Carth about it later.

After successfully using the explosive power conduit, they opened the door and Leslie immediately rushed over to what seemed a random Sith corpse.

"Ohhh! Lookie! Remains! WOOT!"

As Leslie said this she quickly striped the Sith of all their worldly possessions.

Shaking her head, Cary muttered, "Go ahead and take what you want, but try not to steal too much of their shit. I'm not carrying it for you."

Leslie stuck her tongue out at her friend and explained, "Well I picked up a pouch off a Sith corpse that can fit anything and as much as you want without weighing anything, for your information!"

"Shiny. You're still carrying it, though."

"I know. But maybe I won't let you use any of the awesome things I pick up!"

"I know where you sleep."

"And I you."

"Darn."

Leslie smiled triumphantly and did a victory dance. While in the middle of said dance, Carth decided to check up on them.

"Hey, what's taking so long? I'm going to leave without you guys if you don't hurry up! And... is something wrong with her?" Carth asked looking warily in Leslie's direction.

"Oh she's fine. She just does that sometimes."

"Ah, I see."

"Yeah. We'll be there soon."

"Got it."

Palming the door controls, they entered the last room to find Carth pacing back and forth, muttering something under his breath. Steathily moving forward, Leslie could hear Carth's mumbles, "...but I can't leave them... But then we're going to explode, I don't want to explode! And _her, _I need _her_. She reminds me so much of- Oh hello..."

Leslie flushed and took a few steps back. "Sorry."

"It's no problem, now let's get out of here!"

Carth walked into the escape pod and sat in one of the two seats. Cary rushed in to grab the other, leaving Amanda and Leslie without seats. Giving Leslie a pointed look, the blonde realized that Cary had just had a genius moment. Dashing over to Carth, she plopped herself down on his lap.

"Umm... what are you doing Leslie?"

"There's not enough seats, so now you have to hold me!"

Carth's face reddened slightly, but he gripped her tightly in his arms.

Sharing a grin with Amanda, Cary barely managed to not burst out giggling. Once Amanda was seated on her lap, she reached out a hand and punched the Big Red Button.

And as their crammed escape pod took off, the Endar Spire exploded.

Cary noticing this laughed and voiced her thoughts, "Isn't it just amazing that the minute we get off the Endar Spire, it explodes? I love our timing."

...

_**A/N**_ Well, there's our first chapter. Do we still have everyone?

Anywho, for those of you who are here, but confused, in this chapter, we included several quotes from the TV show, _Firefly._ We also included a few insiders, such as:

-Carth Onasi: Leslie while playing the game had a MASSIVE crush on him

-'I have Chocolate': the line was used in a skit that we were both in. **And yes I was the one that was sleeping.**

-le gasp: Something Leslie says often

-Caffa: Cary likes her caffa. A lot.

-Remains: We had an obsession with getting the remains of everything possible.

-'That's to logical!': Whenever Leslie points out the obvious and simplest way to do something to Cary this is her standard reply

-The Victory Dance: Leslie has a tendency to burst out in dance at random times, with or without an explanation.

If there are any questions, feel free to ask. We, ah, live to serve. Help us to serve you by reviewing. First 5 reviewers get gizka plushies!


	2. Out of the sky and out of a Jacket

Chapter 2 : Out of the sky and out of a Jacket

...THUD!

Carth groaned, slowly raising his head. "Where the hell am I?" he asked to no one in particular. Upon noticing the blonde woman laying in his lap, he added, "More importantly, who the hell are you?" Blinking, he realized that the figure in his arms was familiar. With an almost audible swoosh, everything came back to him. The Endar Spire, the attack, the three women, _her,_ and the escape pod he was currently strapped into. With another groan, Carth attempted to stand up, it wasn't easy you know. What with being injured and holding one of his female companions. As he was finally successful, Cary regained consciousness under the still unconscious form of the other brunette.

"Waa?..."

"We crashed. You know, fell out of the sky and landed unfavorably."

"Right."

"We need to get out of here before people come and check things out. Avoid the Sith at all costs."

"Yeah.. No shit, Sherlock Sorry, but I have a major headache right now, probably from the whole crashing thing you just described. Soo... You find someplace, I'll follow."

Carth's hero complex kicked in at this point, and he got up and opened the escape pod.

After forty-five minutes of searching, Carth and Cary stumbled into an abandoned apartment coincidently not far from their crash site.

The moment Cary saw the bed she limped over to it and dumped Amanda onto it. Cary found the nearest chair and rested her injured left leg. Pulling out a medpac, she began to heal up.

Carth stood oblivious to Cary's doings, as he was watching the unconscious woman in his arms. She was clutching his jacket tightly, as if for dear life, but had a ridiculously dreamy expression on her face.

Sitting in the other chair carefully as to not wake the blonde he was holding, he began to attempt to pry her fingers off his jacket. Carth found that her grip was surprisingly strong for someone who had just been in a crash.

"Uhh... Cary could you ah, give me some help here?.."

Cary got gingerly to her feet and walked over. She looked at her friends hands and saw how tight they were around the fabric of the jacket.

"Huh. It seems that she has her death grip on. There is no way to get her to let go... at least while she's unconscious. I think the only way you'd be able to put her down, would be to take off the jacket..."

Carth paled. He loved his jacket. It reminded him of the sunset on Telos... No, he couldn't think about that. Not now at any rate. He reluctantly started to unzip the jacket. Carth had some trouble as he tried to manoeuver around the young woman, who was the reason that he had to take off his jacket in the first place. After a few moments of struggling with the zipper, Carth finally got it undone and off. As soon it was off his person, Leslie clutched the fabric of the jacket to her chest, like a child would do to a favorite toy. The smile on her face was even bigger than before, seeing as she had the jacket and was in the arms of the bare chested owner of said jacket.

Hiding a grin behind her hand, Cary started to walk towards the remaining injured persons. After administrating the medpacs, Cary began to waltz out of the apartment.

"Hey! Where are you going? Are you going to turn us in to the Sith?!"

In a deadpan voice Cary stated, "Yes, Carth, I'm a secret agent, working secretly for the Sith. Now I have to turn you in, since you know my secret."

"WHAT?!"

"Jeeze Carth take a chill pill. I'm going to perform reconnaissance, to get an idea of where we are, etc. Now, stay here and stand guard. Try not to take advantage of my unconscious friends while I'm gone. Oh, and I'll try to pick you up a shirt, if I remember."

And with that, she left.

Carth sighed. He looked down at the sleeping form in that was still in his arms. A strange urge took over. The urge to hold her close and never let go no matter what.

A few hours later...

Cary returned thinking that it had been a good day. Well now it was. Now that she had her caffa. Caffa to Cary was like what Carth was to Leslie.

Cary walked into the apartment holding her caffa in one hand, and holding a datapad in the other. She was about to go and give Carth a status report, when she noticed the object of Leslie's affections was asleep. Right where he was when she left him, _still _holding her friend, with what seemed an unbreakable grip.

Suddenly, Leslie began to thrash around in Carth's arms, waking the pilot up. Wide eyed, he tightened his grip on her and as he did so, Leslie smacked him on the nose with a flailing hand.

Turning around, Cary saw that Amanda was also thrashing around rather violently. Her med training kicking in, she searched for a way to restrain Amanda's thrashing limbs, and to calm her down.

Carth, seeing what Cary was attempting to do, gathered Leslie closer to him and started to mummer what he thought were words of comfort. After a few more moments, Leslie and Amanda both lay still. Heaving a sigh of relief, Carth looked at Cary, hoping for an answer. She had none.

After a few days of worry, Leslie began to wake. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes and looked around. It wasn't Amanda, still unconscious on the bed that shocked her. Nope. It was the shirtless man holding her that shocked Leslie speechless.

Carth relived that she had finally woken up, looked at her shocked face and smiled.

Leslie tried to stand. Her attempt failed. Horribly. The moment she stood she swayed and fell back into Carth's arms. He grinned at her bewildered expression.

"You want some help?"

"No."

Again Leslie made to stand. It worked. She took a few wobbly steps and sighed. It felt good to stand. She turned to the terrace door, and went out. It was cold. She slipped on the jacket she was still holding without thinking. There was no doubt that whatever planet they were on, it was pretty at night.

Following Leslie with the goal of reclaiming his jacket, Carth stepped out onto the terrace. Frowning, he said, "I didn't know we had a terrace. I didn't even realize we had a window."

"Well, don't you think a terrace is kinda hard to miss? Unless you were occupied with something else?" Leslie asked slyly.

"I-uh-I..."

Leslie patted him on the head. "It's okay Carth. You were distracted by how much you _looove _me!"

Thankfully, Cary chose this moment to enter the apartment, saving Carth from answering.

"Wessie!" she called. "You're alive!"

"Kawë!" Leslie exclaimed.

The two grown women ran at each other like three year olds, hugging and jumping up and down.

They jabbered away, to fast for Carth to understand. Then all was quiet.

"You brought CAFFA?! GIMME!"

Cary gave Leslie a nice hot cup of caffa.

"Ahhh. This is heaven."

Cary mumbled something that, to Carth, sounded like, "No, being in Carth's arms for days is!"

"Uhhh..." Carth was at a loss at what to say.

Leslie flushed, and Carth thought that this would be the perfect time to bring up the Captain Tight Pants comment.

"Sooo. Leslie, do you _like_ my 'tight-pants'?"

Leslie already red, passed any known shade of red and went into a whole knew kind of red.

"Well I-mm-mean that I-uh..."

Cary was grinning. Wasn't she just being the galaxy's most helpful friend?

"Well what I mean is... CARY CAME UP WITH IT!"

Raising an eyebrow, Cary asked, "Is that so? I certainly don't remember anything like that. Other than you saying how much you liked his tight-pants."

Leslie having been abandoned by her friend, hid behind her hair and faced away from the two of them.

Carth walked over to her and whispered, "Huh. Maybe I'll let you borrow them sometime if you like them that much."

Leslie looked like she just wanted the floor to swallow her up right then.

They were silent as the sun came up. Funny thing about Taris, was that the sun went up and down at pretty random times. Possibly had something to do with the Sith fleet orbiting the planet and messing with the gravity and such. Eh, Whatever.

At that point Cary screamed.

Carth and Leslie both rushed in, thinking that the Sith had found them. Only to find that Amanda had finally joined the living.

"MANDA!"

"Leslie!"

The two ran and jumped up and down in a circle.

Carth once again felt like he was being excluded and allowed his thoughts to wander.

He found himself many, many light-years away and several years back in time on Telos.

He thought about when he didn't have to go to war. The times when it was him and his family. All the good times, the laughter, the smiles, and his Ana. He missed it, dearly. The one thing he'd always regretted was he never knew_ him_.

"Hey! Carth looks distant, maybe we should ask him about what's bothering him!"

"Shhh! Leslie! Wait until later! We have to let him brood and have his angsty time."

"Fine..."

...

_**A/N**_ Well in this one there aren't that many things to explain:

-'Where the hell am I?/Who the hell are you?' : Is from the Harry Potter Puppet Pals. Quite hilarious

-Angst : The angst (we find the idea of angst funny) because when writing Carth's SQA 'Swallow' he wanted to be all angsty in it but we didn't want him to.

- Carth's Jacket : Well what fangirl _doesn't _love his jacket?!

Thanks so much! Please review! It gives a warm fuzzy feeling inside! (And helps us update faster!) So if you like it well _tell _us!

Thanks for reading! More coming (hopefully) soon!


	3. Storytime With Cary

Chapter 3: Storytime With Cary

As Carth Onasi, with Leslie and Amanda sitting in front of him in storytime mode, prepared to tell them about their situation, he was interrupted by Cary who was standing beside him.

"Okay guys this is our situation... And it sucks."

"Hey! _I'm _supposed to explain! I know you know what our situation is but... it's _my _turn!"

"Fine then! Explain away my friend, but they're not going to take you seriously."

"Why not?"

Cary's gaze turned to Leslie and Amanda who were staring at Carth with dazed expressions.

"You, my bare-chested friend, are quite clueless."

"Oh. Well its your fault! You didn't buy me a shirt!"

"I forgot! Jeeze!"

"Right. You were too busy buying_ caffa_."

"DON'T MOCK THE CAFFA!"

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!"

Amanda was standing with her hands on her hips.

"Now Cary, let Carth explain. We'll just give him back his jacket..."

"NO!"

Leslie had a livid expression on her face. "He can have it back when we're facing-"

"LESLIE! No SPOILERS! Amanda hasn't finished!"

Carth looked confused, "What are you two talking about?"

Cary and Leslie had identical innocent expressions on, "Nothing."

Cary and Amanda gave Leslie a pointed look.

"Fine. He can have his jacket back."

Leslie reluctantly gave Carth his jacket back. He had a look of pure relief as put his beloved jacket back on.

"Now then, where were we?"

"We were about to begin Storytime with Carth. Now, let's all sit in a circle around him, so that he can begin..."

...

An hour or so later, Cary, Leslie and Amanda found themselves wandering around Taris.

Leslie looked worried, "Wait, where did Carth go?"

Cary smirked, "Probably to buy a shirt in case the jacket has to come off again."

"Awww shucks."

The three friends walked aimlessly around Taris for an hour or so, when Carth literally popped out of nowhere.

"Hey, you guys, have any luck finding Bastila?"

"No. Where have you been? Leslie's been worried si-"

"Shhh!"

"What's that? Leslie, you were worried sick about me? I'm flattered."

Leslie refused to look at Carth and subtly hid behind Cary.

Carth looked around Cary to see Leslie hiding her face in her hands. He shook his head, saying, "You're doing it again."

The parts of Leslie's face that were still visible became even redder than before. "Doing what?"

Carth grinned, a glint of mischief in his eyes. "I don't get you. One minute you're worried sick about me, and the next you won't even look me in the eye. I think I'm getting mixed signals here."

That was the last straw. Leslie snapped. "WHAT?! _I'm _the one sending mixed signals! One second we're getting along great! You know, cute little moments. Then, you go and start making fun of me and being all mean!"

During her rant Carth was still grinning.

"You-you-you... Bitchy... Hypocritical, antagonistic, thoughtless... Insensitive, malicious, DASTARDLY, cantankerous... Heartless, despicable, spiteful, unfeeling, harsh, venomous... Intolerant and sadistic, cork-socking MUFFIN!"

Carth blinked. "Muffin?"

"Ugh!"

With her last cry Leslie raged over to Carth and slapped him with all her strength (and if you remember, is quite a bit).

After she had slapped him, she turned on her heel storming off twirling out her vibroblades as she went.

Carth rubbed his face. That _had_ hurt.

Coming around to look at him, Amanda laughed. "You have a bright red hand print on your face."

"Thanks. 'Cause that definitely makes me feel better about myself."

"Anytime bud, but you brought it upon yourself. You invoked the wrath that is Leslie."

Carth shook his head. He'd learned his lesson. Turning to Cary, he saw she was concentrating on something.

"3... 2... 1... Yes!" Cary punched the air, and twirled around in a spinnie dance.

"Huh?"

Cary grinned. "Now she's far enough away. Leslie is in a bad mood right now, thanks to you, but this is beneficial to us. See, since she's mad, she needs a way to vent. The vibroblades tell me that she's in a _murderous_ state right now, which means she'll be heading out to find some place where she can tank it up. She'll go and kill any enemies that we might have had to face, making things go much faster."

Carth frowned. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Nope. Not unless, you know, she's after you. Then you have absolutely no hope."

"Uh... Why is that?"

She just smiled. "Walk with me, Carth. I'll tell you why. But first, Amanda, since you already know all this... Here's a walkthrough, and a walkie talkie. Now go finish the game."

Amanda smiled and nodded her head, "Sure! I'll be more help after anyways! This will be fun! Oh and tell Leslie when she gets back I say hi!"

"Sure thing. Now, c'mon Carth. Let's head to the Cantina and get some caffa..."

...

"That's much better," Cary sighed, sipping her warm Mocha Caf Latte.

"Okay then, Cary. You said you'd tell me about why Leslie is.. Well, lethal."

Cary took another sip of her caffa, then put it down. "Well, in the beginning, there was light and there was dark. Then, in the middle, there was Leslie. From what she's told me, both her parents were Force Users. Problem is, her mother was strictly on the light side, while her father was much, much darker. I don't know what happened to them exactly, she never told me, but I do know that if they're still alive, she makes no move to contact them. Ever.

"I don't know about her childhood, but I do know that when she was fourteen when she got her first assassination contract-"

"_Assassination contract?_"

"Don't interrupt! It's storytime with Cary, not storytime with Cary and additional commentary by Carth. Now where was I? Ah, now, I won't go into details, but for a while, Leslie was the most renowned assassin this side of the Core. Of course, she didn't go by Leslie then. Nope." Pausing, Cary took another sip of caffa.

"Carth, what do you know about the Pitiless Slayer?"

He froze. "Only what everyone knows: That he was the most feared killer in the galaxy. He didn't appear to have any alliances- Republic, Sith, Mandalorians... They were all afraid. But of course, if you asked a Mandalorian, they'd tell you it wasn't fear, but _caution_, and respect for such an efficient killer... Hell, though. _I'm_ still afraid of him, and he hasn't been heard from in years. He just... Vanished without a trace."

Cary smiled at some private joke. "Yeah. Just about all the stories are true. Except for two: the one involving the orphanage on Manaan... That was the Sith. And then the whole _he_ was the most feared killer... Pcha. She'd be offended."

Carth stared. "You've _met_ the Pitiless Slayer? And _lived_?"

Cary laughed outright at the look on his face. "Yeah. Many times. We're tight. Of course, we had a rocky start, what with the whole she-was-supposed-to-kill-me-thing, but we're cool now."

Carth's eyes widened.

Shaking her head, Cary took another sip of caffa. "Force, Carth! Are you really that thick? I'll give you three guesses as to who she really is."

"No... Not.. Not Amanda! She doesn't seem the type!"

"I don't know what Leslie sees in you. Aside from, you know, the abs. That I get. The rest I'm kinda iffy on."

"But... It can't be... Not... _her._"

"No Carth. It's me. After giving up my life of assassination, I became a secret agent spy for the Sith. We've already gone over that... Honestly Carth, it's Leslie you dunderhead! Or are you just in denial because you don't want the woman you secretly love in the very deepest part of your heart to be your worst nightmare?"

Flagging down a waiter, Cary ordered another caffa, and a large bottle of Tarisian Ale.

Carth was silent while they waited for their beverages. When the waiter returned, Carth helped himself to a large gulp of the ale. After a few moments, he seemed to regain his composure.

"So, where do you fit into all this?"

A small, sympathetic smile lit Cary's face. "Wait and see, Carth. Everything will work out, you just got to have a little faith. You'll go off and angst. _She'll_ go off and angst. She'll be pissed at me, and probably pissed at Manda for not stopping me, and she may or may not still be pissed at you, but inevitably at some point you'll end up angsting together. That angsting will form a bond, and that bond will develop into something more. Then you'll both owe me a lifetime supply of caffa for playing matchmaker. Just you wait and see."

He gave her a dubious look.

"Anywhosie, where I fit into all this? Well, firstly, I'm a soldier with the Republic Forces, not unlike yourself. But _unlike_ you, I'm much higher up. And spent a fairly long amount of time AWOL, running around the galaxy with a known killer. But I'll get into that later. And don't go and chew me out for it, either. The brass already did. That's why I got saddled with this mission, no offense... But it's cool."

Carth frowned. She could tell his Captainy side desperately wanted to chew her out.

Shaking her head, she laughed. "Don't even think about it, _Captain_. You do know that you're talking to a _Lieutenant-General_, right? Or at least.. I _was_... But the thing about the Admiral... She's not really of the forgiving sort... Especially not after that incident with the caffa... She just wouldn't listen to reason-"

Leslie chose this moment to pop in. "Well, I _could_ just go see the Admiral and... _Persuade _her to give you back your rank... or she won't have hers anymore..."

"Leslie... We've been over this. Killing the Admiral won't solve anything."

"I'm appalled! I said _persuade_! I wouldn't kill her, I might just take an ear if she refuses... But I would never kill her. I'm not going to go around starting sword fights, I'm over that stage. I don't kill unless I'm stark-raving mad, or the person is trying to kill me."

Carth glared up from his ale, and shouted, "Anyone would kill the Pitiless Slayer if they had the chance!"

The Cantina fell silent.

Cary sighed and stood up. "Sorry 'bout that, folks. Off-worlder. Not used to this Tarisian Ale... I'll take him home now..."

With that, the trio got up and left.

Out in the alleyway, Leslie turned to Carth and started to shout, "CARTH! How could you say something so stupid?! You could've revealed me to everyone! That part of me is dead and buried. I wish you could understand that!"

Cary watched Leslie rant to Carth, as she finished up her caffa, just waiting for the wrath to come her way.

Leslie turned to face Cary with tears streaming down her face. "CURSE YOUR SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYAL! I thought you were my friend. You said I could trust you. Apparently I was wrong..."

Leslie was leaning against the wall at this point. She seemed to be lost in thought, as she slid down the wall.

There was a loud beeping noise coming from Cary's pocket.

"Oh, it's Amanda. Hey!"

"Hey Cary! I'm kinda stuck in the sewers..."

Carth looked confuzeled, "What's she doing down there?"

"SHHH!"

Cary concentrated for a moment, then replied, "Okay Manda... Left, right, straight, straight, right again and then take the second left."

"Okay, Thanks."

Turning off the walkie talkie, Cary returned it to her pocket. "Soo... Hows about we all get going, and you know..." She grinned with mock enthusiasm, "Go find Bastila!"

Leslie muttered under her breath, "Wacky fun.."

...

_**A/N**_ So in this chappie, for things that need explaining, we have:

- Storytime mode : In an msn convo with Me, and Amanda were going to listen to Cary rant, so we needed to be all nice and comfy to do so, which created our storytime.

- Spoilers : Cary is spoiler-phobic

- Carth buying shirt : Part of Leslie's Carth obsession

- Really long insult ending in 'muffin' that we're to lazy to re-type : Muffin was substituted for the f-word in a song, and we found it hilarious

- Twirling vibroblades : While playing the game Leslie had a fixation to twirl her weapons around at random times.

- The wrath that is Leslie : Leslie has a temper at times, and it was funny

- Punching the air : Cary has a tendency to do so when things go her way

- Spinnie Dance : Cary's version of Leslie's IDRs (Impromptu Dance Routines)

- Leslie's background : Leslie can be quite stealthy when she feels like it, also reference to her character on the game, _'Oblivion IV: The Elder Scrolls_'

- Curse Your Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal! : Awesome quote from tv show Firefly (its canceled now cuz Fox is a BUM! And they suck, just like whoever invented steam. (Dane Cook is a silly bitch!))

- The lack of enthusiasm when concerning Bastila : Bastila is a bitch. Period.

We also have a few more references... Can you pick them out? There are six for you to find, oh some of them are quite hard to find... If you can, you rock.

Anyways, Please review. It helps us bring out the chapters sooner, and it makes us happy. You know, it's nice to know that our work is appreciated. Reviews are like caffa to Cary.


	4. You Did What!

Chapter 4 : You Did What?!

Following Leslie to the entrance to the Lower City, Carth was thinking about what he'd been told about... _her_. How was it possible? It just felt, well, wrong. She's told him that it was all behind her, but then that joke. About Admiral Dodonna. Was that really just a joke? Or did she mean it? He couldn't be sure. Especially not after the last time he'd trusted... No. He'd been betrayed, and he'd been blinded by his trust. It had cost him dearly. Now, he found out that _she_ was a killer... If he knew, though, then he could be prepared. Prepared to deal with any more betrayals. He knew they'd come. It was inevitable.

"Cary, Carth looks distant again... Can I talk to him _now?_"

"No."

"Too bad, I'm talking to him anyways!"

"No, Leslie. Carth needs to angst this out."

"I let him angst already! He's going to talk, whether he wants to or not!"

"He needs to finish angsting. He's not done yet. And if I remember correctly, you have angsting to catch up on."

"I'll angst on the Hawk when we get it! I want to gorram flirt with Carth!"

"I know... But if you try to flirt while he's angsting, do you really think he'll be in the mood?"

"Jeeze don't you know the dialogue that's involved in the conversation we could have?! Just let me have my fun!"

Cary shook her head. "Leslie, you know that I know the dialogue off by heart. I recite it in my sleep. I know what comes next. You know what, fine. I'm not going to argue with you. I need more caffa before I can keep up with this. Just talk to him, and let me walk in peace."

Looking between Leslie and Carth, Cary sighed, resigned. Matchmaking was a real thankless bitch.

They'd owe her. Big time.

"Yo, Carth! I think it's time for a musical interlude!"

Clearing her throat, she danced forward in the Lower City's corridor. Pulling out a random skirt she'd procured and slipping it on over her armor, she took a deep breath, and sang:

"I feel pretty,

Oh so pretty!

I feel pretty, and witty, and BRIGHT!

And I pity, any girl who isn't me, tonight."

Twirling around in her spinnie dance, she continued:

"I feel charming,

Oh so charming!

It's alarming how charming I FEEL!

And so pretty, that I hardly can believe I'm real!"

Throwing her arms in the air, she danced from one side of the corridor to the other, admiring the way the skirt floated around her.

"See that pretty girl in that mirror there?

Who can that attractive girl be?

Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty MEEEEEE-"

Her twirls were interrupted by a fairly large an solid body. Not just any body, but the large and well muscled body of one particular Mandalorian mercenary by the name of Canderous Ordo.

Looking up to his face, Cary's face reddened. Not the ideal first impression one would want to make on a Mandalorian.. You know, what with the whole bright pink skirt on top of her body armor. And the song and dance routine didn't help either.

Trying to salvage the moment, Cary spoke in a small voice, "Su'cuy... Ni Cary... Tion'ad?"

Raising his eyebrows at her, he chuckled, "Ni Canderous..."

Back with Carth and Leslie, they were both doubled over in laughter, temporarily forgetting their argument.

"You looked distant Carth, can I ask you some questions?"

"I'm all ears beautiful"

Leslie giggled. "I like the sound of that."

"Which? The fact that I'm all ears, or the beautiful part?"

"The beautiful part. It's nice, but are you flirting with me?"

"Not really. Just a habit. You have something you'd rather I call you buy?"

"I'm kinda feeling more, 'most-stunning-female-person-in-the-gorram-verse'. Do you like it?"

"I might consider it, but what are you going to call me in return?"

"Well, I'm toying with a few. Like, 'handsome thug', or 'flyboy'... but 'Blaster Boy' is definitely my favorite."

Carth raised his eyebrows at the last one."I like the first part of the first one. But, I'm a bit more partial to 'the-most- handsome-pilot-in-the-galaxy'. What do you think?"

"I'm still feeling Blaster Boy. But, I'll think about it."

"Well then, I guess 'gorgeous' will just have to do until then, won't it?" Carth shook his head. "Kidding aside. I bet you're not going to give up on those questions of yours. Are they really necessary?"

"Yes, they're a vital part to get the romantic sub-plot!"

"Huh?"

"Uhhh... Never mind! Now about my questions..."

"Well, if it's an interrogation you wanted, why didn't you just say so?"

Leslie shook her head at him. "Carth, are you getting testy again?"

"I don't get testy, I get angry. And if I was angry, you would know... But, let me ask you something first."

"Sure, anything for you, my Blaster Boy."

Carth paled, " I just hope that doesn't catch on."

Leslie grinned. "Anyways. So Blaster Boy, what was your question?"

"Well, I've been going over the battle on the Endar Spire in my head, and some things just don't add up for me. For instance, what where _you_ doing aboard the Endar Spire anyways?"

"Hmm... I interrupted Cary before she could get to that part. Anyways, after I almost killed her, we bonded. We went to Nar Shaddaa, and met up with aw.. What was his name? I should remember this! We were together, CARY! What was that guy's name I hooked up with on Nar Shaddaa?"

"Sec... Re'turcye mhi, Cand'ika. Soo, The guy on Nar Shaddaa? That was Jaq, right? The guy you hooked up with? Oh yeah, that was Jaq. He was cool."

"Oh yeah! We had a bond, we were both assassins. But we had quit our life of crime, thanks to Cary! But anyways on with the story.

"So me, Cary and Jaq, went and partied our way across the outer Rim. Do you remember that one time on Manaan?"

"Oh yeah! They won't want us back there anytime soon..."

Carth was glaring at Cary. "Wait. So you ditched the Republic to go party with two assassins?!"

"Well... I-uh... I WAS BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!"

"Hey! You could've left whenever you wanted! Me and Jaq had nothing better to do so..."

"Leslie! Shhhh! It's beside the point anyway... Uh. Leslie, on with the story."

"Maybe I think this _is _a vital part of the story?"

"JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT! We can talk about it _later_."

"Fine then. Anywhosie... So we partied for around two years before Cary wanted to go back to the Republic. Jaq kinda objected to the idea, so I was torn in two. So going off to party with Jaq or going to fight with Cary? To things I loved to do. Eventually, I decided that me and Jaq wouldn't last so I broke it off and went with Cary to the Republic. I kinda just follow her around."

"Yeah. I'm kind of being stalked by an assassin... again."

"Well what else am I supposed to do in my free time?"

"So, you're telling me, you partied for _two years_, with _assassins_, during a _war_, and then just _decided_ to come back?"

Cary looked guilty and crestfallen. "It wasn't _quite_ two years... But when you put it that way..."

"Carth! Stop making Cary feel bad! Ohh! Lets distract ourselves with making Carth answer my questions!"

After listening to Carth rant for awhile about betrayal and his trust issues, Cary finally remembered to ask Leslie about what she'd killed not to long ago.

"Leslie what did you do when you went off on your mad rampage?"

Leslie had sheepish expression on her face. "Kawë, I did something bad... I went into the Vulkar base to take out my anger... Then I went to the under city with my new buddie Mission to help her find her friend Zalbaar, and so I could take out my anger some more... I killed all the rakgouls, I purged the sewers of all life, and I blew up a giant rancor. When I finished taking out my anger, I'd done all the quests in the under and lower city..."

Carth was staring at Leslie with an astonished expression. "You-you did all that?! But you were only gone for less than an hour..."

Cary grinned, "That's Leslie for you! And besides, she just saved us from walking around for days and days." She shuddered, "Ugh, Taris..."

"Who were those two people you met up with Leslie? Are they Sith?!"

"No, they aren't Sith, I'd know, being their top secret agent. They're assassins I hired to kill Leslie."

"Haha. I know you're joking. So you can stop."

"Yeah, but it was funny."

"I sent them back to the apartment, but I can get them to meet us at the Bek base."

Cary tossed Leslie the walkie-talkie. "Do it."

...

_**A/N**_ So in this chapter things that need explaining are:

- I Feel Pretty : Cary likes this song a lot, will burst out in it at random times, knows the song off by heart, and sings it quite well if she does say so herself

- Blaster Boy : What Leslie likes to call Carth, and its funny

- Our hate of Taris : We hates it. It makes us go Dark side if exposed to it too long.

- Cary speaking mando'a : Cary is in love with the Republic Commando series by Karen Traviss. It's an awesome series. Lots of Mandalorian stuff in it. Mandalorians are very cool. Ori'Kandosi.

Please review! It helps us not angst as much!

:)


	5. Leslie's One True Fear

Chapter 5 : Leslie's One True Fear

Arriving at the Bek base, Leslie introduced everyone to Mission and Zalbaar.

There was a guard stationed outside the secret location of the base.

"Hey you, stop! You can't go into the Hidden Bek's secret base!"

Cary raised an eyebrow. "You know, I probably would have passed right by this "Hidden Base" if you hadn't mentioned anything..."

Leslie turned her head towards the door. "I was wondering... How does the base stay hidden if you shout at everyone who passes by, to stay away from the door?"

The guard had a sheepish expression. "Well, I'm new at this. I just started this morning..."

Leslie shook her head. "Well then... Can you let us in now?"

"No. You need to be invited."

The group exchanged glances. "Okay then... We were invited."

"Okay! Go right in!"

Shaking their heads, the team walked into the base. It was quiet... Too quiet.

All of a sudden, a random purple Twi'lek woman popped out of nowhere. With two very intimidating looking blasters raised.

"Put your hands up! Where I can see them! NOW!"

Obliging, the comrades dropped their weapons, rather reluctantly in the case of a certain Blaster Boy.

Cary groaned. "'Cause my day just isn't complete if I don't get shot, or at least held at blaster point."

Leslie attempted to stifle a giggle that was threatening to become a full on hysterical laughing fit.

She failed. One moment of complete silence then... Leslie was on the floor rolling around laughing.

"Get AWAY from those weapons!"

Leslie continued to laugh.

"Are you insulting ME?! Stop it this INSTANT! You have three seconds before I blow your brains out!"

Leslie just kept on laughing.

"Fine! 1, 2, 5!"

A random Hidden Bek interrupted, "Uh, three ma'am..."

"Right then. 1, 2, 3!"

Just as the Twi'lek woman was about to shoot Leslie's brains out, an old man shouted, "Zaerdra, nooo!"

"What is it sir?"

"You must not shoot people before they pose a threat!"

"Fine. Be a bum."

The old man turned to the mish-mash of people before him. "I am Gadon, leader of the Hidden Beks. Is there something you needed?"

Cary stepped forward, "Yes, do you know anything about some escape pods crashing around here lately?"

Gadon looked wary, "Maybe. What's it to you?"

"Well it'd be very nice if you did. And we know someone who crashed in them. We'd really like to know if they're okay."

Leslie, having recovered from her laughing fit, muttered under her breath, "Yeah, we _really_ want to find them."

"Well, I suppose I could tell you. You don't look like Sith..."

Zaerdra burst in, "They could be spies, Gadon! They could be working for the Sith!"

Unable to resist, Cary sighed. "Aww shucks. You figured it out. I'm a top secret agent spy for the Sith... Now that you know, I'm going to have to kill you."

Leslie having caught on to the joke, burst out with, "GASP! Cary you're a Sith?! How could you?! After all those nights we spent together... It was all a lie!"

Carth looked scandalized. "WHAT?! Leslie, I thought we had something special!"

Mission glared at Carth, "You what?! I thought you loved me! How dare you!"

Zalbaar pulled Mission close to him, "But Mission, I thought we were going to run away together?! What did I do to drive you away?"

Raising her blasters, Zaerdra interrupted, "SEEEE! SEEEE! I TOLD YOU THEY WERE SITH! No one listens to me!"

Gadon shook his head, "No, I don't think so Zaerdra. I'm pretty sure they're acting on some inside joke that involved the one with the bushy hair being a secret agent for the Sith..."

Cary huffed. "I resent that, you know... The comment about the hair... It's not _bushy_. It's just very_ curly_."

Leslie rolled her eyes, "Moving on. So, will you tell us about any survivors in an escape pod crash please?"

"Okay, well some escape pods crashed in the under city a few days ago. There was one survivor, but she was taken prisoner by the Vulkars. They plan on giving her away as a prize in the annual swoop race."

Carth looked up. "So how do we get her back?"

"Well, you could enter the swoop race as one of the Hidden Bek competitors. But you'd need to get that engine back..."

Leslie looked wary, "What engine?"

"The swoop bike prototype accelerator. The Vulkars stole it a little while back.. You'd have to break into their base and steal it, except the front door will be too heavily guarded. You'll need to find a way to sneak in."

Leslie smirked. "Not a problem."

She led the group away while Gadon called after them, "Hey! Don't you want to know about the secret entrance in the sewers!"

A faint yell could be heard, "No!"

...

Leslie led the party to the front entrance into the Vulkar base. She opened the door, grabbed Carth and literally waltzed in. As the others followed her in, they gasped at the vast amount of carnage that lay before them.

There were bodies _everywhere_. In chairs, on tables, on the floor, some where even stuck to the ceiling!

Leslie looked at her comrades, shaking her head at their expressions. "Don't ask."

Mission, unused to the gore laid out in front of her, stuttered, "B-b-but the _ceiling._"

"What else do you expect when I'm _that_ mad?"

Carth looked horrified, "You _did_ all of this? By _yourself_?! But, you were gone for _under_ an hour!"

Leslie shrugged, "When you've had as much experience massacring things as I do... You can get a little carried away..."

Carth shuddered, "Well, do you know where the engine is?"

"Yeah, there were like, ten guards in there..."

"I don't even want to know..."

After carefully walking through the carnage that Leslie had wrought, they had retrieved the engine, and returned it to the Bek's.

Gadon was pleased, "Great! Now one of you can use this likely-to-explode engine in the swoop race!"

Leslie paled, "Explode? I don't wanna explode!"

Gadon looked confused, "Who said you were the one riding it?"

Cary came in, ticking people off her fingers as she spoke, "Well... Amanda's back at the apartment, Misson's too young - no offense, Zalbaar's too tall, Carth's too experienced, and I'm the one with the med training required to piece the exploded bits back together."

"But, like you said, _Carth's _the one with the experience! He should be the one riding it, not me! I've never flown anything! I've never even ridden a bike before!" Leslie complained.

Cary shook her head. "Leslie, Carth riding would be too logical. You're riding it whether you like it or not!"

Frantic, Leslie came up with a solution. It was infallible. "Rock, paper, scissors. It will be an epic game of epic proportions..."

...

Back at the apartment, they had it all set up:

Round One: Mission vs Leslie, Carth vs Zalbaar, and Cary vs Amanda

Round Two: The three losers would put their names in a hat, two names would be chosen and they would play

Round Three: The loser from round two would play the person who's name hadn't been pulled out of the hat.

Loser rides.

In round one Mission won against Leslie, which meant Leslie would put her name in the hat. Carth lost to Zalbaar, so Carth would put his name in the hat. And Amanda beat Cary, which meant that Cary would also put her name in the hat.

Amanda pulled Leslie and Carth's names out of the hat, so they played. Carth won and did a very Leslie like victory dance. Cary and Leslie stared daggers at each other while they prepared to play.

Cary looked at Leslie and said, "It's on."

And it was.

After numerous attempts (on Leslie's part) to win, it was Leslie who ended up having to fly the swoop bike.

"YES!" Cary exclaimed. Punching her fist into the air, she got up and began a boisterous spinnie dance of victoriousness.

"NOOO!" Leslie looked close to tears. She pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and rocked back and forth.

Carth plopped himself down next to Leslie and put his arm around her shoulders. He patted her once on the head before letting the hand slide down her face. Using the hand on her cheek to turn her face towards him, whiskey-brown met blue-grey.

Carth's voice was soft. "Don't worry about exploding, you're too darn pretty to die."

Leslie smiled slightly, "I feel the same about you. Look at that chiseled jaw."

They seemed to be lost in their own world when Mission, apparently fed up with all the fluff going on, shouted, "Jeeze! Get a room will ya?"

Carth and Leslie both glared at the Twi'lek. "We're in one."

Cary was fuming. "MISSION! Don't interrupt the fluff! Do you know how hard it was to get them to that point! I SACRIFICED MY REMAINING DIGNITY FOR THEM!"

Amanda joined in with, "I didn't know you had any dignity to start off with."

Mission chuckled. "I heard about that... The incident where you put on a skirt and ran into that Mandalorian Mercenary.. That's all over the Lower City!"

Cary stared. "What?"

"You heard me."

This was the part where everyone else began to laugh at Cary's expense.

Cary was bright red. "_NIMEN DE BIZUI_!"

Leslie shut up. Everyone else looked confused.

"Whaa? Is that some more Mando'a?"

"No," Leslie corrected. "It means _'Everyone shut the hell up!' _in Mandarin."

Cary stormed out at this point. Presumably to go and find some more caffa.

"Good job you guys. I have to participate in a potentially life-threatening swoop race. And you just made the medic storm off. Thanks."

...

Later at the Swoop Race...

Leslie was hyperventilating and had the most terrified look on her face. She couldn't get out a full sentence, all she could do was stutter. It probably didn't help that there was no medic on site, so there was a good reason for Leslie to be freaked.

Carth was trying to get Leslie into the swoop bike. She took one look at it and paled. The bike had a certain, homemade look to it. And the mechanic doing last touch ups on it only made it worse.

"So, you may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."

"Th-th-th-th-th-thanks..."

The race was set to start in a few minutes, but Leslie was having difficulties getting into her bike.

Carth gave her an encouraging push towards the bike. "You'll be fine," he murmured.

Leslie looked hopeful. "I-i-if you know it'll be fine, then wh-why don't you do it?"

Carth smiled, "'Cause that's too logical, gorgeous."

A goofy expression came upon Leslie's face. She began to back up, but ran into the swoop bike, losing her balance and back flipping into it, landing on her head.

"Owww..."

Carth rushed over to help Leslie out of the swoop bike.

"Leslie are you okay?"

"Uggg... No. I feel like my head is going to split open. And I think my wrist is broken."

Popping out of nowhere, Cary reached over and grabbed Leslie's arm. She took a look at the wrist, and said, "No it's not. It's only dislocated." Using both hand, she snapped Leslie's wrist back into place with an audible CRACK!

"There you go. All better... Oh, here's an Advil for your head... I'm afraid there may be lasting damage... Not that it really matters, what with all the damaged its already sustained."

"Thanks Cary. I love you to."

Leslie got on the swoop bike properly just in time for the race to start.

"Cary, if I don't make it... Tell Carth, I love him."

"Will do. Now, I'm off to the Cantina."

"NOOO! You will stay here! Carth can you tie her to something during the race please?!"

Cary grinned shaking her head. "'Cause I'm psychic, I thought of that already. If I don't report back in time, the Sith know that their secret agent's mission is unsuccessful and will send in the fuzz. And besides... I'm pretty sure you're the only one Carth wants to tie up."

Carth gasped, spluttered and turned bright red.

"Cary! That's inappropriate!"

"That's the point." And with that, Cary flounce away, leaving a flustered Carth and a scared-shitless Leslie.

Leslie was about to call after her, when the commentator began to introduce the racers.

"From the Hidden Beks, we have a couple random people, aaaaaaaand Blaster Boy's Girl!

"Cary... You will pay..." Leslie muttered, making a mental note to kill her later.

With the commentator finished the bell was about to ring. Leslie took one last glance at Carth, started up the bike and took off.

"Shitshitshitshit!!" Leslie was trying to steer the bike onto the little-patchy-things-that-make-you-speed-up. Leslie spent the entire race screaming profanities and trying not to crash. It was one, big, scary blur. To this day, she cannot completely recall what happened during that race. All that she remembered, was the feeling of intense relief when the swoop stopped on the other side of the finish line.

There was loud cheering as Leslie pried her hands off the bike's steering system. Carth came running over and grabbed

Leslie's waist, twirling her in a circle.

Brejik, walking out onto the racetrack began announcing the winner. "And in first place, we have Blaster Boy's Girl! But wait! I've decided that I'm keeping the prize for my own personal use. Oh, and the fact that she is no ordinary Republic Officer, but in fact... a JEDI!"

Leslie looked over to where Bastila stood in a cage, fixing her hair.

Sighing, Leslie turned to Carth. "I'm going to have to break her out now, aren't I?"

Sighing again, Leslie shouted, "No! I won her fair and square. So, hand her over!"

"Never! I'm Invincible! Kill them! Kill them All!"

After a battle of epic proportions, single handedly won by the Pitiless Slayer herself, Leslie walked over to the cage where Bastila was being held and proceeded to unlock it. When it was unlocked, Bastila strutted out in her itsie-bitsie, tiny-weenie, yellow polka-dot slave-girl costume.

"Good, I'm out. It's about time you got here. Honestly, what took you so long? Being late is just one step on the path down to the Dark side." She stated obnoxiously, "Oh. Do you have any force hair gel? Max hold?"

Cary chose that time to pop in again.

"Good job Leslie! I knew you wouldn't die!"

Leslie rolled her eyes, "Thanks."

"Anytime."

There was a beeping noise coming from Cary.

"Oh, hey Manda!"

"CARYCARYCARYCARY! OH MY GOD! I just found out that I'm _Rev-" _

Cary paled, clicking off the walkie talkie. "Oh... Woops, guess my finger slipped... I need to go and see her, make sure she's okay... Bye now!"

Leslie looked scandalized and exclaimed, "CARY!? You're leaving me here... with _HER?!_"

Cary didn't even turn her head as she ran off saying, "That's the plan."

"B-b-b-but... You know how I feel about her! You can't just leave me here!"

"I can and I will! Bye!"

Leslie looked murderous, "I hate you!"

A distant reply could be heard, "I know! I love you to!"

...

_**A/N**_ Soooo this was pretty long and has quite a few things to explain:

- Cary's line about being shot/held at blaster point : Often Cary is the one sustaining various injuries... especially her left leg

- Leslie's laughing fit : Leslie does this often

- Hilarious Banter at Bek base : Honestly, we couldn't resist

- Cary's bushy/curly hair : Cary's hair has a mind of its own. Oh, and she takes her hair very seriously.

- Leslie's waltzing : She actually knows how to. And she taught Cary.

- Carnage : We read a fanfic for Twilight and it took an interesting look at the word (_Car_-nage get it?)

- Rock, paper, scissors : It's awesome

- Epic proportions : Dane Cook is a silly bitch!

- Itsie-bitsie etc... : We were running out of ideas, and we had a trip down memory lane

- Force Hair Gel : Started off with a comment about Bastila's hair and just grew...

- Leslie's pure hatred of Bastila : Something about Bastila bothers the gorram hell out of her

Please review! It makes Cary angsty when you don't!


	6. Special Jelly Like Hell

Chapter 6: Special Jelly-Like Hell

A/N: OMG! An update! RUN! It's the end of the world!

Disclaimer: We own nothing. We just wish we owned Carth. And, well the Force would be pretty cool too. And we don't own Firefly either... And we have to give props to The Great Luke Ski, 'cause he is so darn cool.

…

_This sucks_. Leslie thought. _Bastila just has to go and rant about her need for Force Hair Gel and how we have to all resist the Dark side, right after we save her. Not even a thank you. Jeeze. I should've killed her when I had the chance all those years ago…_

Leslie thoughts were interrupted when she accidentally walked into a wall.

"Owww…" And with that, Leslie passed out.

…

_The ship's bridge is dimly lit. The edges of my vision are blurry. A young Jedi – a younger Bastila, perhaps - with a flourish of her lightsaber, cuts down the last of the dark Jedi in the room. A few more Jedi fall into formation behind her as she readjusts her grip on her blade. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, the young Jedi looks up into a crimson and black mask of absolute evil. Eyes narrowing with determination, she cries, "You cannot win, Revan!"_

_The Dark Lord of the Sith twirls their crimson 'saber in response, as if to say, "O RLY?"_

_Bastila takes a step forward, the message in her movements clear. "YA RLY."_

_It's on – _

_NO WAI!_

_BOOM._

_Or maybe not._

_The world explodes. It's all bright light and noise. As the light fades, Bastila pushes herself up off the ground, pausing to check her hair before crawling over to Revan. She bites her lip, annoyance playing across her features. Her emergency bottle of Force Hair Gel is missing, lost during the previous battles._

...

"Ummm… Can you, like, hear me?"

Leslie groaned and turned away from the unwelcome voice. "Can someone please make her go away?"

Ignoring the request, a worried voice asked, "Are you alright? You hit the wall, then landed pretty hard… I tried calling Cary, but apparently Amanda was out too… Are you going to be okay?"

Blinking, Leslie realized that the voice belonged to her Blaster Boy… And that the voice was very close… And that she was wrapped in a pair of arms… Orange-Jacketed arms…

She whipped her head around to see Carth, but only succeeded in bonking their noses together.

"Ow…"

"FRACK! Not again!"

"Huh?"

Carth sighed, "Last time you were out, you whapped me on the nose with your hand. It hurt a lot! But not as much as your slap…"

Leslie blushed, "Sorry. I didn't mean to. Well the slap I did, but the whupping you on the nose…"

Carth smiled. "Yeah… It's alright, gorgeous. I guess I kinda deserved the slap."

Leslie smiled and relaxed in her Blaster Boy's arms. They were so warm and comfy. Turning her head slowly, her eyes met his.

She melted in his arms.

"Umm... We need to keep moving. I can't get angry at you for not having a plan to get off Taris until we get back to the apartment." Interrupted Bastila.

Annoyed, Leslie got to her feet, sticking her tongue out at Bastila's back as the Jedi began to walk away.

"Leslie," Carth began. "C'mon, she's right. We need to get back to the apartment and figure out how to get off this rock. And we need to get Bastila out of the Sith's view."

"Fine. But Cary's going to be mad at her when she finds out about the interrupted fluff."

Carth raised an eyebrow.

Grabbing Carth's arm, Leslie dragged him after Bastila. "Let's just go, then. Happy Blaster Boy?"

...

"BASTILA! HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT THE FLUFF!! THAT'S IT! The next person to interrupt the fluff will be... banished to the MINES OF MORIA and trapped there until further notice."

Mission looked confused. "And how exactly are you going to do that? What's a Moria?"

The adults of the group exchanged glances. "You poor, uneducated soul."

Frowning, Cary sighed. "Fine. Good point. I lost my all access pass to Middle Earth anyways. In that case, you'll be sent to-"

Leslie gasped. "No! Not the..."

"SPECIAL HELL!"

DUN DUN DA!

Everyone looked skeptical.

Carth looked especially confused. "Huh? What's that? And, are you talking about the 'fluff'- whatever that is- between me and Leslie?"

Cary, Leslie and Amanda exchanged glances.

Amanda began to explain. "The Special Hell is a Jelly-like, special level of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. And now for people who interrupt fluff too."

"Hmm..." Cary began.

"Cary, are you thinking what I'm thinking." Leslie smirked.

"Probably, what with the telepathic connection we're developing."

"Where'd you stash it?"

Cary smiled a mischievous smile. "I always keep it on my person. Just in case of situations like this."

Amanda grinned. "Then what are we waiting for? They need to be educated."

Together, the trio announced, "It's time for... A Firefly Marathon!"

...

Approximately 14 hours later...

"Now I see why you keep saying Fox is a bum." Carth commented.

Zalbaar's furry face formed a smile. "The bonds between the crew members is remarkable. Almost as close as the bonds in a Wookie family."

Mission giggled. "My favourite character is Wash. I love the Hawaiian shirts and Dino toys!" Grinning, she began to reenact the infamous 'First and Famous' scene.

"I can see why it was canceled. It is of the darkside. They were _theives_, it promoted violence, prostitution, and well... thieving! I mean they had a _whore_on board. They also had fugitives as well! I agree with the Allian-"

Leslie, Cary and Amanda were livid.

Amanda glared. "The term is _companion_! And don't diss the fugies!"

Cary exploded with, "WO DE MA HE TA DE FENG KUANG DE WAI SHENG DOU - HOW CAN YOU _NOT_LOVE FIREFLY!? IT'S THE BEST GORAM SHOW IN THE 'VERSE! LIU KOU SHUI DE BIAO ZI HE HOU ZI DE BEN ER ZI!"

Leslie simply bitch slaped her fast 'til she was crying for her mamma, shouting, "BITE MY _SHINY_ METAL ASS!"

Bastila looked scandalized.

Carth was giving Leslie an odd look. "Since when is your ass made of metal?..."

Leslie blushed. "It's not... That line is from a song about Firefly."

"Okay then."

"I think that's enough!" Bastila interrupted. "This show has obviously caused all of you to fall to the darkside."

Cary gasped as she threw herself around her friends. "Oh no! My mad skillage as a Sith secret agent has caused Leslie's fragile balance of graysidedness to tip and become darksided, while Amanda's innocence has been forever corrupted! Whatever shall we do!"

"I know!" Leslie grinned, snapping her fingers.

With a pop, Bastila was eaten by gray mist.

Everyone was staring at Leslie.

Cary looked impressed. "Well, that's a new talent Leslie. Where'd you pick that one up?"

Leslie smirked. "Eh. Just something I've always been able to do..."

"Where'd she go?" Mission asked, not entirely concerned.

"Special Hell."

Amanda smirked. "Nice one... Only thing, isn't she important to the plotline? Not that I mind her being gone..."

Leslie shrugged. "It's a twist, but we can deal with it."

"Well... Actually, not that I don't enjoy the idea of her being omitted from the remainder of the story, she _is_necessary... We need someone for Malak to be after, to act as a guide-" Cary stated.

Leslie, looking thoughtful, interrupted, "Can't we borrow Obi-Wan? Or maybe you could fill that role..."

Shaking her head, Cary replied, "Borrowing Obi-Wan could break the space/time continuum. And... I don't want to be _Bastila reincarnate_!"

"You wouldn't be _Bastila reincarnate,_you'd be... Bastila 2!"

"Lovely."

It was then that they noticed a frantic Carth, waving his arms and hands around making strange noises.

Mission looked concerned. "Is he okay?"

"Eh, he just does that sometimes."

Carth found his voice. "What the filk? Leslie! Bring her back! The Republic needs her and her Battle Meditation!"

Leslie's lip began to quiver and her eyes tear up. In a small voice she spoke, "You care more about her than me don't you? I knew there was something going on between you and her! I can't believe you!"

Tears were pouring down her face. But Carth was the only one who didn't see the glint of mischief in her eyes.

"Ah, crap. Leslie, no, I didn't mean- argh! There's nothing going on between us!"

Leslie's eyes widened. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b..."

Realizing his mistake, Carth swore.

Cary came over to Leslie's side, glaring at Carth. Turning to her friend and patting her shoulder, she consoled, "Don't worry, honey. He makes everyone cry."

Catching on to the quote, Mission burst out, "Ni bu gouge, ni hunqiu!"

Grinning, the Twi'lek high-fived with Amanda.

Carth opened his mouth to try to save his remaining dignity, and to possibly salvage the relationship between him and Leslie, when Cary, foreseeing this, gave him a look that said, "Make this good, or to the Special Hell with you."

Kneeling down in front of the crying woman, Carth held her face in between his hands, pressing their foreheads together he murmured against her skin, "No, I don't want to be without you, Leslie, of course not. Be rational. I just wish you could feel the... complexity... the confusion ... I feel. That you could understand. I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with... after..."

A distant look came in his eyes, then it was gone. Whiskey brown found blue grey, and Leslie's cheeks glowed faint red.

A small, dazzling smile, just for her, formed on Carth's lips. His voice was soft, almost husky. "The blush on your cheeks is lovely."

Cary was doing an internal happy, spinnie dance of victory, triumphant in her matchmaking. No one would interrupt her, not after the Special Hell threat.

Just to spite her, the moment was interrupted by a loud, obnoxious doorbell.

Freezing in place, Cary took a deep breath, then made her way to the door. Opening it, she saw a young man, holding a datapad.

Holding it up, he said, "Message for you, ma'am."

Glaring her own death glare of doom, she pointed at him, shouting, "BOOM!"

He disappeared in a fiery explosion. She then proceeded to explode the offending doorbell.

The datapad clattered to the ground, unharmed by its carrier's sudden combustion.

She picked it up and turned back into the apartment, to see her fellow team members staring at her in an advanced state of shock.

Mission looked terrified, "C-cary how did you _do_ that?!"

Cary shrugged nonchalantly, "Practice. Something Leslie showed me."

Everyone at once gasped and turned to face Leslie.

She leaned her head against Carth's shoulder. "It's something my fa-" She stopped abruptly and shook her head as if clearing away her thoughts.

"Moving on? Why don't we see what the message is about?" Suggested Amanda.

Looking down at the datapad, Cary squealed. "CAND'IKA!"

"Huh?" Mission asked.

Grinning like a fool, Cary announced, "Canderous wants us to go and meet up with him! EEEK!"

Clapping her hands ecstatically, Cary began to bounce up and down. Grabbing her companion's arms, she dragged them all out of the apartment and began to head for the Cantina.

Then she realized...

"We forgot to pop Bastila back, didn't we?"

"Yeah... But who cares?"

"Eh... Good point. We can pop her back _after_ talking with Cand'ika."

...

_**A/N**_Well, there you go. An update! We just started high school so we've been really busy. We're sorry that it took this long but, when you have two authors writing, it takes longer for chapters. Especially when their schedules are almost opposites. We're partway through chapter 7, so please, bear with us. We _hope _to be able to get it out in another week, and we'll try our best. But you know what would encourage us to put more effort into getting out new chapters faster? C'mon, it's an easy one..

_Review us... It's All We Ask of You._

Anywhosie.

Now for explanations:

- Leslie walking into a wall: Leslie is usually oblivious to inanimate objects in her vicinity so walks into and trips over them often.

- 'You poor, uneducated soul': We say this to people who haven't seen/heard of different well known fandoms

- Special Jelly-Like Hell: Well the Special Hell is from Firefly and the jelly-like came from the Dane Cook's skit 'The Nothing Fight'

- 'Telepathic connection': Cary and I have a subtle subconscious mind connection. We just know what the other is thinking and have a tendency to finish each other's sentences verbally and written. It's pretty cool.

- 'I always keep it on my person. Just in case of situations like this': As much as Cary loves Firefly, she does _not_ keep the box DVD set on her at all times.

- 'Eaten by gray mist': The grey mist is in our minds and eats our ideas and thoughts. It also has cousins. Purple and yellow mist.

- The popping: Leslie can poparate things and herself... in her dreams. Seriously.

- Space/time continuum: Attempted Heroes Reference. Cary recently discovered the show. Like she doesn't already have enough obsessions.

- Reincarnate: The Anakin from the new Clone Wars movie looks like Atton reincarnated. It made us laugh.

-'What the filk?': Reference to a Luke Ski song. 'Filk' is basically a musical genre centered around science-fiction/fantasy fandoms.

- Leslie's lip quiver: Leslie can do that. She makes herself as well as Cary cry.

- Carth's declaration: It was lovingly ripped off from different lines that Edward Cullen (Twilight) has in the books.

Right... Additional Disclaimer: We don't own Edward Cullen. Nor do we own Twilight. We mean no offense or copyright infringement...

Anyways. Back to the explanations.

- Cary being spited: Lots of things like to spite Cary. They're all part of the conspiracy. Even Cary's mind tries to spite her from time to time...

- BOOM!: We like things that go boom. Also! It's a shout-out to our friend Iden. Long story.

Mandarin Translations:

- WO DE MA HE TA DE FENG KUANG DE WAI SHENG DOU: Holy mother of God and all her wacky nephews.  
- LIU KOU SHUI DE BIAO ZI HE HOU ZI DE BEN ER ZI: Stupid son of a drooling whore and a monkey.  
- Ni bu gouge, ni hunqiu: You don't derserve her, you fink.

REVIEW!


	7. Seventh Vhapter And We're Still On Taris

Chapter Seven: The Seventh Vhapter... And We're Still On TARIS!

Disclaimer: We own nothing that belongs to someone else. (Don't mind the grammar.)

- -

"CAND'IKA!"

Racing towards the large Mandalorian mercenary, Cary glomped him. Throwing her arms around Canderous, she greeted, "Su cuy!"

Chuckling, the Mandalorian patted the exuberant woman on the back. "Su cuy, Car'ika."

Kissing him on the cheek, Cary introduced Canderous to her comrades.

"Cand'ika meet Leslie, Carth, Amanda, Mission, and Zalbaar. Bastila unfortunately couldn't be here... She had to leave on urgent business... She'll be back soon. You won't like her..."

"Ah."

"Sooooo... What did you want to see us for, Cand'ika? You wouldn't happen to know a way to get off Taris, would you?"

"Uh hun. See, I can get you into Davik's Estate, right to the Ebon Hawk. One catch: I need you to get the launch codes. I have a droid that can get you into the Sith Base, it's on hold at Janice Nall's. It's heavily guarded - You'll probably have trouble getting to the codes. Watch your six, I'll meet you back here in the lower city-"

Leslie cut him off. "Eh, I'll be back in ten minutes. Stay here, we can leave when I get back."

With that, she turned on her heel sprinting off twirling out her vibroblades as she went.

Canderous looked after her. "Isn't that dangerous?"

Grinning, Cary replied, "Nope. You're a tad late, Cand'ika. We've already had this conversation." Turning to look at the orange jacketed member of the party, Cary warned, "Carth, you've heard this already so this time, NO INTERRUPTING! It's storytime with Cary - revisited!"

Sitting down next to Canderous, she made to flag down a waiter when the merc handed her a cup of caffa.

"Ooh! Vor'e!"

Taking a sip of her caffa, Cary began, "Well, in the beginning, there was light and there was dark. Then, in the middle, there was Leslie..."

A few minutes later...

"Tell me, Canderous what do you know about the Pitiless Slayer?"

Canderous' eyebrows raised. "What's he got to do with Leslie?"

As Cary opened her mouth to proceed with her speech, a POP could be heard. Then...

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I'M A GUY GORAMIT!?"

Jumping slightly, Canderous turned to face her. Putting two and two together, he swore, "Shab. I'm honored to meet you. Could you teach me some of your moves? It would be a great favor for you to do that for me."

Leslie smirked, "You don't need moves to win Cary's heart. You already have it. You should've seen her when she found ou-"

"LESLIE!" Cary was mortified. "BI ZUI!" Getting to her feet and tackling her friend from spilling, Cary knocked Leslie to the floor, while trying to cover Leslie's mouth with her hand.

Leslie, pulling free of her friend's grip on her face, "When she found out that you'd sent -Cary stop!- the datapad she squealed, jumped up and down, then dragged us all over to the Cantina."

"LESLIE!" Cary squeaked.

Grinning, Leslie continued, "She practically said that she _LUUURRRVED _you!"

"I DIDN"T SAY THAT!"

Laughing, Leslie turned to the rest of the group. "Didn't she_ practically_ say that she lurved him?"

"Yep."

"Uh hun"

"You got it."

"Ci seňorita."

Everyone turned to look at Zalbaar.

He looked affronted. "What, I like Spanish."

Shrugging, Leslie got up off the floor. Brushing herself off, she leaned against the new T3 unit asking, "So can we get this operation going or what?"

Cary was still spluttering, face bright red. Looking anywhere but at Canderous, she got up, thankful for the change of topic. She silently cursed her tendency to get into embarrassing situations when around Canderous... Ok. So Leslie got into more, but at least hers were semi private... Noticing the looks from the other bar patrons, she sheepishly went back to her caffa.

Walking over to the bar, Leslie went to place her order when the man next to her looked her up and down saying, "Say, your coat is a brownish color."

Leslie, not turning to face the man said, "It was on sale."

"I don't like people who wear browncoats."

Still not facing him, she said, "Yeah, well I'm not taking it off. My coat."

Waggling his eyebrows suggestively, he spoke close to her ear, "Well maybe I'll make you take it off."

Turning to face the man that was almost twice her size, she looked up at him defiantly, "You want to say that to my face?"

"Well maybe I'll make you take it off. What're you gonna do about it?" He said looking down at her with a disgusting smirk on his face.

"Nothing. I just wanted you to face me so that she could get behind you."

WUMP!

Cary had crept up behind the man and wacked him over the head with her empty caffa cup.

The rest of their party burst out laughing at the reference.

Leslie faced Cary with a confuzled look on her face. "How'd your Cand'ika get in on the reference?"

"I um... Leant him my DVDs." Cary said in a sheepish voice.

Shaking her head Leslie noticed that more than half the bar was headed towards her.

"Go se."

Sighing, Leslie pulled up the equip screen and put on a floaty blue dress and combat boots, then gave Cary her pouffy pink skirt.

From the other side of the Cantina, a groan could be heard. "Leslie..."

Smirking, Leslie began to fight.

((Type in _serenity river fight scene _on you tube to see get an idea of how Leslie fights. It's the first one titiled _River Tam The Weapon. _Yes, we do idolize River Tam. She pwns. So does Joss Whedon for creating the Serenitiverse.))

Picking up the last man in her area Leslie threw him into the next room, shouting, "Heads up!" to Cary.

Ducking reflexively, Cary dove into another bar patron, knocking him down as he attempted to whack her with something that had probably once contained alcohol. Springing to her feet, she delivered a roundhouse kick to an unlucky Rodian, and raced over to join Canderous as he faced off an angry pair of Bothans.

Punching a black and yellow clad adversary in the face, Cary turned to the mercenary and grinned, "This is fun, hows about we blow something up for tomorrow's entertainment?"

Laughing, he pulled out a frag grenade and replied, "Why wait for tomorrow?"

Cary's eyes widened. "YES!"

A moment later, a satisfying explosion occurred. High-fiving the Mandalorian, Cary turned to see a squad of Sith entering the Cantina, presumably to break up the fight.

Frantic, she shouted, in one breath, "LESLIE! Operation OMGWTFBBQ!!1!11!O-N-E!11"

Hearing the seldom used code, Leslie slipped into the shadows.

The Sith rushed in and cocked their blasters.

"Alright! Break it up!"

The Sith began to attempt to break up some of the more intense fights, when there was a blood stopping, terrified shriek.

"AAAAAAHH! EVERYBODY RUN! IT'S THE PITILESS SLAYER! HE'LL KILL US ALL!"

Cary laughed at that.

But everyone in the Cantina started running and screaming, as Leslie, aka the Pitiless Slayer, walked into the midst of the crowd.

"RUN AWAY!"

And within a matter of moments, the Cantina was empty, save a few stragglers.

Mission and Zalbaar were trying to get the rest of the party to leave.

"Come ON! We'll all die if you don't leave with us!"

Cary laughed again. The situation was far more amusing to her that it had any right to be. "Umm, you guys... You have nothing to worry about. As long as you don't get-" she giggled, "-_HER_ mad."

The Pitiless Slayer walked over. "Laugh it up, fuzzball." She poked Cary's hair.

"I resent that." Cary pouted. "And I'm sure Big Z would too."

The Pitiless Slayer, hereafter abbreviated to 'TPS', laughed. "Yeah, but I'm directing it at you."

Mission and Zalbaar looked confused at the playful banter between TPS and Cary."Uh, what's going on? And why is

TPS not, you know, _slaying_ us?"

"I resent that. It sounds much more intimidating as _The Pitiless Slayer_..."

Cary shook her head, grinning. "To answer Mission's question, in the beginning, there was light, and there was dark. Then, in the middle, there was-"

"Cary, this is the third time you've given this speech. Second time today. Can't we just skip it?" TPS asked, rolling her eyes.

"NO! And don't interrupt! Where was I-" Cary was cut off abruptly as a black-gloved hand was clamped over her mouth.

"INTERRUPTED! Ha! Long story short, I'm The Pitiless Slayer, my parents are Force users. My dad was dark-side, mom was light-side. I tried to kill Cary, turned away from my life of crime and went and partied around the galaxy for awhile. And well, here we are..."

There was silence.

"What are we waiting for... Don't we have a ship to steal?"

"Right! But when you put it like that, it makes us sound like pirates." Amanda mused.

Grinning, Cary burst in, "WE ARE THE PIRATES, WHO DON'T DO ANYTHING! We just stay at home, and lie around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you..."

"WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!" Finished Amanda and Leslie, with jazz hands.

The rest of the party gave them odd looks.

"Uhh, let's just go..."

...

_At Davik's Estate..._

"... So these will be your quarters for the next couple of days. I'll be running some background checks, but that's just a formality."

"Okay... But, are we stuck in this room, or can we walk around?"

"NO! YOU ARE TRAPPED IN- ahem... You are asked to remain in these rooms, but you are allowed to venture to the slave quarters."

"Oh."

At this point, Cary returned from the washroom. Entering, she said, "Ello folks."

Waving at her friends, Cary, not looking where she was going, tripped over the knee-high Calo Nord.

"AHHH!"

Falling on her left leg, Cary whimpered, "I'm in PAIN! I think this is what pain feels like! Oh mama! Someone maternal!"

Canderous rushed over to help his cyar'ika from the immense pain she was feeling having tripped over the midget that is Calo Nord.

"Car'ika... Are you alright?"

Groaning Cary looked up at his face, "I don't think I'll make it..."

Leslie walked over to her friend and rolled her eyes. "Cary stop being a baby, or I'll send you to..."

Cary gasped, "NOT THE SPECIAL HELL!"

"Yes. So suck it up."

"Cand'ika! She's being _mean_..."

Davik gave them a really weird look. "Well... I'll, uh just leave you now... C'mon Calo, let's go."

The crime lord walked out, and as the midget bounty-hunter turned to leave, he shot Cary a look that said, "You're going to pay for this."

DUN DUN DUH.

Cary rolled her eyes calling after him, "I'm quaking in my converse."

A few hours later, our heroes still hadn't found a way out of the room...

Leslie stood up and began to yell, "IT'S THE SEVENTH V-HAPTER AND WE'RE STILL ON TARIS GORRAMIT!"

Looking up from her knitting, Cary raised an eyebrow. "Vhapter?"

"UGH! CH-APTER!"

Amanda shook her head. "You said Vhapter."

"CHAPTER GORRAMIT!"

Carth, once again confused by the blonde conundrum that was Leslie, inquired, "Chapter of what?"

"Uh... Nothing!"

"Right..."

Putting away her knitting supplies, Cary asked the room, "So... What exactly are we doing, sitting around in here... Weren't we supposed to be pirating stolen goods all along the Corellian Run? Robbing from the rich, stealing from the poor... Or something like that?"

Mission gave Cary an odd look. "Don't you mean _giving_ to the poor?"

Cary raised one finger to her lips, and in a deadpan looking back and forth, "Shhhhh."

Canderous looked up from his guns, "Why don't we just open the doors?"

The group exchanged looks, then got up and left.

After navigating the perilous hallways, the troupe entered the hanger.

As if they'd been waiting for they're big break, explosions rocked the place where the fly-ie things were kept.

Raising an eyebrow at the above written statement, Cary remarked, "I love your description."

Zalbaar asked, "Who're you talking to?"

As if answering his question, a disembodied voice yelled, "SHUT UP! Don't question it!"

The brunette shrugged, "Okay then..."

BOOM! CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH!

As the dust cleared our heros gasped as they saw Calo Nord and Davik locked in a passionate embrace.

Canderous looked stunned, "Tah ma de... Now somethin' 'bout that's just a might unsettlin."

The group giggled at the reference.

Taking offense at the giggles, Davik turned to the party and pulled out his blaster. "Yeah, laugh it up, fuzzballs."

An epic battle ensued, ending when Cary decapitated Davik while she borrowed one of Leslie's vibroblades.

Calo Nord gasped as his former lover's head bowled into him, knocking him over. Shuffling to his feet, he glared up at the brunette. Pointing savagely, he exclaimed, "For that, I will hunt you down, and the last thing you see will be my-"

A conveniently timed explosion cut off the bounty hunter's last words.

Cary cocked her head to one side. "Huh."

A few more explosions hit the area, and the team of fighters skipped on to their newly acquired ship.

Racing to the bridge, Carth took his seat in the pilot's chair, initiating warm up sequences. Cary flooped down into the copilot's spot, flicking three overhead switches. Bastila, not being there, could not take her spot as back-seat flyer, thus allowing Canderous to take up a spot behind his Car'ika's chair.

As the ship took off and flew out towards the black, Cary rapidly punched in the Sith launch codes, being slightly opposed to the idea of exploding due to Sith auto-targeting lasers.

Once free of the planet's atmosphere, a squad of Sith fighters appeared out of nowhere, hot on the Hawk's tale. Looking at the radar, Carth exclaimed, "Incoming fighters! Someone get on those gun turrets!"

The crew looked around at Leslie who was sitting oblivious to everything as she ogled Carth.

Feeling the gazes on her, she looked up and made a face, "What?"

They said nothing, but threw her up into the gun turret.

Canderous called up after her, "Go shoot stuff."

Leslie took this a bit too literally. In her turret, she grabbed the controls, and began to sing, "Trigger, trigger happy. Yes I'm trigger, trigger happy. Better watch out punk or I'm gunna have to blow you away!"

Shooting everything in sight, the battle was won in a few moments. As the last fighter was shot fatally, it began to spin away. A faint voice could be heard, "Malak's fighters are blasting off again!"

With the danger destroyed, Carth activated the hyper-drive and they flew off into the black.

- -

Wow! A chapter that didn't take at least a month? It's the end of the world! Haha, we actually updated fast-ish, it's shocking we know.

Anyways, stuff that needs explaining:

- Glomping: Something that just kinda... happened, and made Leslie fall out of her chair.

- Cary squealing and jumping up and down: She really does do that.

- Confuzled: One of Leslie's favorite words.

- Love for explosions, and things in general that go BOOM!: We think the title of it explains itself...

-OMGWTFBBQ!!1!11!O-N-E!11 : Shout out to Luke Ski

- Abbreviation TPS: Just something that caused Cary to almost die of laughter

- Jazz hands: They own.

- Cary's left leg: Her leg gets injured a lot... Subconsciously and otherwise.

- Vhapter: Leslie was typing the title for the sixth chapter and misspelled the word thus making it vhapter. Cary laughed while Leslie yelled at her to stop laughing. Causing her to laugh harder.

-BOOM! CRASHCRASHCRASHCRASH!: Leslie's sound effects for anything that makes a loud noise or goes boom.


	8. Storytime With Wessie

Chapter Eight: Storytime With Wessie

Disclaimer: We own nothing but ourselves.

- -

After the company had finally escaped Taris, they all sat in the common area chatting and joking pleasantly. A few moments later, the resident assassin walked sullenly into the room, instantly killing the happy go lucky mood.

Flopping down beside Cary, the blonde pulled out one of her vibroblades and began to peel a blood-red apple. She had a look in her eyes that was oozing depression and angst.

Cary leaned closer to her friend and poked her arm warily. She spoke in a soft voice, "Leslie, are you alright?"

Leslie's eyes shot over to Cary, her voice was harsh, "My name isn't Leslie, it's Dead, because I killed it."

Carth, on Cary's other side, looked at his secret heart's desire oddly. "Are you okay? I mean you seem a little off..."

"My life is just a black abyss... you know... it's so dark. And it's suffocating me, grabbing a hold of me and tightening its grip-"

Cary stood up abruptly, the knitting materials that where on her lap falling to the ground. She kneeled beside her friend and burst out with, "Wait, wait, wait. I need to check her angst meter."

Looking at a thermometer like thing on Leslie's hip she muttered to herself, "Yes, I thought so."

Standing up she looked condescendingly at her friend. "Leslie, your angst meter is full. I told you go angst earlier, but nooo. You had to go and procrastinate, and now you're depressed and scaring me and the rest of us."

She pulled out a notebook and a pen from nowhere and handed them to Leslie.

"Now, go to your corner and let all the angst out. But before you go, you should probably bring Bastila back from the Special Hell..."

Her angsty friend nodded curtly and as turned away, she snapped her fingers and in a puff of gray mist, Bastila reappeared.

Bastila looked around hysterically, fell to her knees and screamed out, "TO MUCH JELLY! MAKE IT GO AWAY! SOMEONE, ANYONE! PLEASE!"

With that same look, Bastila collapsed onto the floor in a dead faint.

The crew just sat (or stood in Cary's case) there and looked at the Jedi on the floor.

Breaking the silence Cary stated, "I'm going to have to examine her now, aren't I? What with being the resident medic and all... Crap."

Rolling her eyes, Cary sighed and grabbed hold of the unconscious woman and dragged her off to the med bay.

A few hours later...

Cary was seated on the counter, her knitting in her lap as she watched over her patient. Suddenly, the Jedi on the infirmary bed began to stir.

The woman sat up and rubbed her head, looking around her cautiously. In her snooty British accent she said, "Where- where am I? What happened? I had a dream and it had so much jelly.." She shuddered at the mention of jelly.

As Cary went to explain, Leslie burst into the med bay wearing a hot pink pouffy dress, matching heels and had blonder hair than normal. Her makeup was purely pink and her nails where the same color as her dress.

She skipped over to Bastila's side and grabbed the Jedi's arm. Smiling up at her nemesis she said cheerfully, "Bastila, now that we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!"

Bastila looked confused, "You really don't have to do that..."

Clapping her hands Leslie spoke excitedly, "I know! That's what makes me so nice!"

Grinning up at her, there was an audible ding as Leslie began to sing,

"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?"

"What in the Force are you talking about?"

Placing her hands over her heart she sang in a high-pitched voice, "My tender heart tends to start to bleed!" Clapping her hands she sang, "And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over! I know, I know exactly what they need!"

"What the... LESLIE GET OFF ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

Holding Bastila's arm in a vice-like grip sung loudly, "And even in your case. Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face. Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed!" Throwing out her right arm in an arc, Leslie sang, "Follow my lead! And yes indeed, you will be..."

Smiling like a fool Leslie squealed in Bastila's face, "POPULAR!"

Bastila's expression was one of incredulity. "Oh?"

Launching herself at the Jedi and wrapping her arm around her shoulders, Leslie continued, "You're gunna be popular! I'll teach you the proper ploys when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce. Oh! I'll show you what shoes to wear, how to..." She faltered slightly, making a face, "fix that hair..."

Bastila paled. "My hair? Wh-What's wrong with my hair?"

Holding up her hands to quell the protests Leslie sang on, "Everything that really counts to be POPULAR! I'll help you be popular. You'll hang with the right cohorts you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know."

"Slang is off the Darks Side!"

Leslie gave Bastila a short sort of disgusted once over, "So let's start! 'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go..."

"HEY! I resent that!"

Placing her hands on Bastila's shoulders, Leslie looked up at the Jedi innocently. "Don't be offended by my frank analysis... think of it as personality dialysis."

"Hey!"

"Now that I've chosen to become a pal a sis! Your grand adviser! There's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to popular."

Rolling her eyes, Bastila said, "You, an advisor? I have trouble believing that..."

Leslie continued on as if hadn't heard Bastila, "I know about popular! An with an assist form me, to be who you'll be! Instead of dreary who you were, well are."

Bastila looked offended, "This popularity thing sounds of the Dark side to me..."

Clapping her hands, Leslie burst out with, "There's nothing that can stop you from becoming POPULER!-lar..."

Shrugging off her grammar mistake, the former assassin floated around Bastila with make-up and hair supplies singing, "LA LA LA LA! Where gonna make you pop-u-lar!"

Leaping away from the disgruntled woman, Leslie turned and clasped her heart, "When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features. I remind them on their own, we have to think of... Celebrated heads of state or specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They where popular!"

The usually prim and proper young woman looked scandalized. "LESLIE! That is an insult to every great mind the Republic has ever seen!"

Rolling her carefully lined eyes, Leslie sung out, "Please! It's all about popular! It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed. So it's very shrewd to be... Very, very popular like me!"

Sitting beside her 'project' Leslie pulled put a mirror. "Why, Miss Bastila, look at you! You're beautiful!"

Bastila's face showed slow but mounting horror for her new 'popular' hair and face. She screamed, "AHHHHHH!" And ran out of the room.

Leslie stood pouting with her hands on her hips calling after her, "You're welcome! And though you protest, you're disinterest. I know clandestinely... You're gonna grin and bear it your new found popularity! Ah! LA LA LA LAAAA! You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as MEEEEE!"

Cary, who'd been stupefied throughout the entire song, was brought back to reality by Leslie turning that ditzy smile at her.

"Go se."

Leslie gasped. "Long_age_ Cary!"

Poking his head in to see why the resident Jedi Princess had run screaming, Canderous furrowed his eyebrows at the blonde's appearance. Deciding he probably didn't want to know, he turned and left the med bay. Over his shoulder, he called, "Give Car'ika back her skirt."

Cary looked down to see that indeed, the hot pink dress was made up of her once beloved light pink skirt. Eyes widening, she cried, "YOU MONSTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! IT'S _BROKEN_!"

Leslie looked down at her dress and scoffed, "No, I fixed it."

Cary looked scandalized, but then a flash of brilliance shot across her tanned features.

"Leslie, what's that!"

"What's what?"

Pointing at Leslie's face, Cary leaned in and squinted. "You have something on your face..."

Gasping, Leslie's eyes widened. "Where!"

Cary wiped underneath her eye to demonstrate. Leslie mirrored the action.

"Is it gone?"

Cary shook her head. "There's a little more. Just there..." She rubbed her cheek.

Leslie frantically began scrubbing her face, effectively removing the majority of her makeup.

Cary nodded in satisfaction. "Okay. Now Leslie, I have something I need to show you. It won't be easy for you to see, but you must."

"Oh c'mon Cary-Faerie! Just show me!" she giggled.

Doing a double take at the nickname, the soldier stared.

"What is it Cary-Faerie?"

"Leslie, you have descended into a new level of madness. Not the good kind. I only hope it's not too late to save you from eternal damnation."

"Wha-what are you talking about..." Leslie glanced down to fiddle with her nails, when she froze. Lifting up her hands to inspect the perfectly done pink nail polish, she stammered, "Wh-what have I become?! I-I- Carth!"

Grinning her ditzy grin, she launched herself at the pilot with the intentions of glomping him. Her plans were thwarted by a pair of arms grabbing her around the waist.

"YOINK!" exclaimed Cary, yanking Leslie backwards.

"B-b-b-b-b-b... CARTH! Save me!"

"Uhhh... Leslie? Are you okay?"

Looking up brightly she said, "I'm fine!... NOOO! Stop the madness! Cary no matter what I say fix m- No! I love being like this! Next planet I'm going shopping!"

Cary whipped around to face the befuddled pilot. "Carth, get me the emergency chocolate STAT!"

"Uhhh... what?"

"Ugh!"

Cary pushed the startled man out of the way and grabbed the red box out of the top cabinet.

"Now this could go either way. Either the prep in her will love the chocolatie goodness, or reject it because it's too fattening."

Holding out the chocolate, Cary stepped foreword and approached her friend slowly.

Leslie immediately stopped and sniffed. Following her nose, she met Cary half way, and...

--

CLIFFIE!

We are so mean. Now for the explaining part...

Procrastination: It's something that is second nature to us...

Longage: Don't mind the funny spelling... Leslie had way to much fun with it... And a substitute teacher

Leslie had for her geography class said it to her when she said, "Shiz"

YOINK: Ah... Where would we be without sound effects?

Emergency Chocolate: A gift Leslie brought Cary back from NYC. It made us laugh.

Come on guys, do you really think we're that mean? We love confusing people. Enjoy the rest of the

chapter!

--

...grabbed the chocolate, stuffing her face greedily.

Cary and Carth gave a collective sigh of relief.

Cary stepped forward and patted Leslie's shoulder. "Good to have you back. I thought we'd almost lost you for a minute there."

"I'm glad I didn't become that, that prep. Now I really need to get out of this dress."

As she spoke, she ripped off her pink dress leaving her only in her under garments... With Carth standing right there.

"Oh Force..." He muttered, going red. The gentleman in him made him turn around.

A smirk worked its way onto the resident matchmaker's face. Slipping past Carth, she broke into a grin as she pulled out the key to med bay, left the room and locked the door behind her.

It locked behind her with an audible CLICK!

The remaining two occupants of the room slowly veered towards the door, the realization hitting them sharply over the head.

"Ow..."

With the whack over the head from the past realization still fresh, Leslie looked down at herself, to see well, not that much there covering her up. Flushing, Leslie ran to the other side of the room, hiding behind the bed.

Carth smiled, sneaking a glance at the hiding woman. He couldn't help himself...

"Leslie, I think you might be sending mixed signals again..."

The woman in question stood up, hands on her hips, glaring at her Blaster Boy. "Just because I'm barely dressed doesn't mean I won't come over there and punch you in the face."

Sheepishly turning away and raising his hands up in surrender, Carth replied, "Point taken."

Resuming her hiding spot behind the bed, Leslie eyed his orange jacket.

Reading her mind, the pilot pulled off his jacket and moved to give it to her. He watched her put it on, wrapping it around her and was suddenly reminded of days long past. He looked away, his eyes growing misty at the memories.

Tuning into his distress, Leslie came to stand beside him. "Are you alright?" she asked, concerned.

He slowly turned to look at her, composing himself. "It's nothing."

"Bull. I've watched you too long not to know when you're getting angsty."

Carth raised an eyebrow.

Leslie blinked. "Did I say that out loud?"

"'Fraid so."

"Crap... Pay no attention to the woman in the orange jacket."

Carth smiled half-heartedly. "I suppose there's no way to not have this conversation, is there?"

"Nope. It's inevitable. I should know, I spent so long looking forward to it while I was pl-"

Leslie's face morphed into a 'Whoops, uh hahaha...' look. Waving her hands in front of her face, she said, "You didn't hear anything..."

"I suppose I didn't. In that case... Well, you know about what happened on Telos and how Saul betrayed us all... Well, there's more. I had... I had a wife and son on Telos. They... My son disappeared.... I followed the reports from Telos for years, but... He..." He shook his head, changing directions. "My wife was killed in the bombing. She- she died in my arms. I was too late. " The pilot sniffed, turning his head away. After a moment, he looked at Leslie.

Whiskey brown met blue gray, and Leslie drifted closer. She slowly wrapped her arms around him, pulling him tightly to her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, gentle reassurance pouring off her in waves.

Carth swallowed hard, then tenderly returned the embrace. One of his arms circled around her waist, the other going to the nape of her neck to entwine itself in her soft hair. He slowly placed his cheek on the top of her head, enjoying the feel of having her in his arms.

She was just there, totally understanding and completely sympathetic. He drew comfort from her.

The pair remained like that for some time, simply holding the other. Carth finally pulled away. He smoothed her hair back, looking deeply into her eyes.

The slightly shorter woman leaned up, bringing her mouth to his ear.

She whispered, "I'm here."

He pulled her closer and it seemed he was about to kiss her when she stopped him. Carth pulled back, confused but Leslie shook her head.

"I can't do this-"

Carth cut her off, "WHAT?! That doesn't make any sense-"

Leslie covered his mouth with her hand. "I didn't finish. What I was going to say was that I can't do this without telling you about my past. You've told me yours, it's only fair."

Understanding washed through him. He felt like an idiot. He sat on the bed in the med bay and motioned for Leslie to sit beside him.

Taking the proffered seat, Leslie began, "As you've heard form Cary, my parents were on separate sides. My mother on the Light side my father on the Dark. After I was born, my mother wouldn't let my dad see me for fear I turned to the Dark side. So I saw him in pictures. I never even talked to him as a child. Now Jedi aren't supposed to get attached or fall in love, so my mother told the Council that I was her niece to stay in the Order. I grew up knowing that if they found out our secret I would likely never see my mother or my friends again. One day, I was eight at the time, my mother had taken me out to play in the fields, we had been playing hide and seek it had been my turn to hide. When what seemed like all of the Jedi on Dantooine came up to my mother and confronted her about me, my father and the lie she had told the Council. She didn't deny me or my father. Now looking back, I'm proud of her, but at the time I was frightened for my mother's life. The reason I went to my father is well, they struck her down with her own light-saber."

Leslie broke off with a sob and wrapped her arms around herself. Carth was shocked. Hearing what the Jedi Council had done to her family was horrible. It made his heart bleed for her. His problems were different. They came from the Sith. Hers came from everything she had ever believed in. Betrayal greater than what had happened to him.

His heart going out to the clearly broken woman beside him, Carth put his own arms around her and pulled Leslie onto his lap. She sniffled for a few moments longer and leaned her head against his shoulder continuing with her story.

"After she fell to the ground dead, most of the Jedi left for the enclave, a few remained though. They fanned out searching for something. They were looking for me. I don't remember how I got off Dantooine, all I remember was getting off a ship on Korriban."

Gazing into his familiar whiskey colored eyes, Leslie saw the mistrust there.

"Yes, I went to the Sith Academy. What would you have done in my place? Stayed there and be killed or trained to be Jedi, just like the ones who killed my mother? No, I went after the only family I had left. My father. It didn't matter to me anymore who was light and who was dark. They both killed innocents. Anyways, I went to the Academy and asked for my father. The man there told me I had to prove myself in order to get in. I had to get one of the badges. I waited outside the Cantina until nightfall, and when a particularly drunk Sith student passed by, I pick-pocketed the badge off him. The morning after I showed the man guarding the door to the Sith base the badge, he laughed and ruffled my hair as I passed by him saying something about how there was hope for me yet. I wandered the place for hours. To this day I still know the layout like the back of my hand. I found myself in one of the dormitories there and as I was bout to leave, I noticed a picture of myself and my mother on one of the bedside tables. I went over to it and picked the picture up. I traced the features of my mother's face tears steadily pouring down my face. All of a sudden there was a gasp behind me, I whipped around and saw a man standing there. That man had the same eye color and hair color as I did. After a few moments of shock, I launched myself at him holding on to his torso sobbing. He picked me up, went over to what was presumably his bed, sat down with me on his lap and stroked my hair as I cried."

Leslie wrapped her arms around Carth's neck and paused for a moment. Looking up at him with tears falling down her face Carth pulled her tighter to him. It wasn't fair, her life. He had grown up with a family whole and content. She, as a small child saw her mother cut down in front of her, because of her. It must have been unbearable. Traveling the galaxy at eight years old by yourself in search of a father who may or may not be dead.

Wiping her eyes she pressed onward with her story, "I lived with my dad at the Sith Academy for years. Everyone there could tell I was Force-sensitive, I refused every offer of training. I didn't want to become the thing that killed my mother, I didn't want any connection to the Force or to Jedi. My dad taught me everything I know about fighting. He learned from the Academy but during one lesson about vibroblades, I asked him where he learned how to do all the amazing tricks and subtle ways of the blade. He told me that after my mother left with me, he had met up with some Mandalorians. They adopted him. He became Mando. I was thirteen when I decided to choose a Mando path, to either become a merc or an assassin. My decision was made when I got my first assassination contract. I was waiting for either a contract for assassination or a mercenary offer. The assassination contract came first. I was supposed to kill one of the Jedi members, Lila Fortano. I did so with relish seeing as she was the one who killed my mother. From then on I lost all ties to my past and became The Pitiless Slayer."

Leslie took a deep breath in and rested her rested her head against Carth's chest. Looking up at him smiling she whispered, "You have no idea how good that feels to get that off my chest. And, now that I've told you my past, how about that kiss?"

Carth grinned at her, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

...

Ah, caffa. Cary walked down the hallway towards the med bay clutching her much needed morning caffa. Well, caffa was a necessary part of her day no matter what time, but anyways...

Twirling the med bay key around her fingers, Cary went over to the locked door and opened it.

What she saw didn't really surprise her.

Leslie and Carth were huddled together under a blanket on the bed in the med bay. Taking a closer look, the resident medic could see that Carth's arms were wrapped around her friend tightly and Leslie's face was pressed into his shoulder. The woman sighed, it was just so darn cute. She crept out of the med bay and as she was about to lock the door again, her Cand'ika came up beside her, nursing his own cup of caffa. Wrapping one arm around her waist, Canderous looked at the pair in the med bay.

Taking a long drought of his caffa, Canderous remarked, "They really do look right together Car'ika. Good matchmaking."

Leaning her head against his shoulder Cary spoke softly, "Thanks, they really do fit. I wonder if we should wake them up. They look tired..."

Canderous smirked, but Cary cut him off, "And don't go saying anything inapropriate. I'll be forced to become irritable and short-tempered with you. I need at least one more cup of caffa before I regain higher brain functions such as the ability to joke and take things in stride."

Pulling back and raising his empty hand in a sign of surrender, he said, "Okay, I won't. I just wanted to let you know that Bastila's waiting for you. I suppose I'll have to put on some more caffa then... She wanted you to come with her to talk to the Council first, then bring everyone else. "

The door locked with an audible click.

A crash resounded through the hall as Cary's caffa cup fell from her hand.

Spinning around the horrified woman demanded, "What?"

--

Whew! We know we've kept you waiting, but we have excuses! Microsoft Word on Cary's computer was being a bum, and we were busy with, dundundun… Mid Terms! Ahhh! PH3AR THEM!

Anywho, schoolwork has died down, so we'll try to get out another chapter… Uh… Some point before the new year. Hopefully we'll get the chance to write a few over the Chirstmas break, maybe one or two before then.

But of course, reviews are amazing motivators… *winkwinknudgenudge*

Alrighty. On to the only explanation required in the second half of the chapter.

- Cary's higher brain functions: Cary is not a morning person. Before she fully wakes up, she has been known to walk into walls and more frequently, door frames, as well as being completely oblivious to the obvious.


	9. Dantooine, They're on Dantooine

Chapter Nine: Dantooine, they're on Dantooine

Disclaimer: Us fangirls only dream of owning KOTOR.

- -

Leaning back in her chair, Amanda grinned in satisfaction as the Star Wars Theme played out of the speaker of the computer terminal. After 25 and a half hours of playing, she was finally at the credit screen of KOTOR I. It felt good.

Shutting down the console, the young woman chuckled as she heard T3's cheerful greeting as he rolled into the room.

"Beep-Breet!"

"Hey there shortie, how's it going?" Amanda asked the droid, turning in her chair to face him.

"Boop-Bleep, biddy-bip dreeet?"

"Sure. I didn't know you could cook."

"Dee dee breep! Boop boopity bip?"

Leaning on the armrest, she smiled at her new friend, "Pancakes would be awesome. Do you want me to oil your wheels?"

"Bree-deet!"

"Shiny."

Making their way to the kitchenette, the pair found Mission and Zalbaar were already at their destination.

"Hey there." The Twi'lek greeted sullenly.

"[Awareness] Are you feeling alright?" Amanda asked, her intuitive nature picking up on her friend's distress.

Mission sighed. "I guess I'm kinda upset about Taris. It was the only home I ever knew."

Placing a hand on the girl's shoulder, Amanda understood what the poor thing was going through. But, she _really_ knew what Carth went through. Her home world had been Telos as well. She hadn't been on the planet at the time of the bombing. She had been at the advanced tech school on Coruscant, where they work _above_. It's a special school. Anyways. Her parents and sister had been killed in the blast. Holding on to her composure, Amanda hugged the Twi'lek and pushed away her tragic past.

Giving the younger woman a smile, Amanda whipped out a pack of cards.

"How's about a round of Pazaak while we wait for breakfast? I'm not the greatest, but I know how to play."

Mission brightened at once. "Sure!"

There was a loud THUD when Leslie stumbled into the room still wearing nothing but Carth's orange jacket. Falling into a chair Leslie mumbled something along the lines of, "Cary, put on a pot of caffa..."

Looking up from the intense game of Pazaak where Amanda, quite out of practice, was getting owned, Mission said, "She's not here. Bastila dragged her off to meet with the Jedi Council. Apparently they wanted to talk with her about something or other..."

Bolting upright Leslie looked terrified. "What? Jedi Council... Are we on Dantooine?"

"Yeah..."

Shuddering at the answer, Leslie started banging her head on the table muttering, "Angst, angst, angst..."

The smell of pancakes was in the air as T3 beeped that the food was ready. As Amanda moved to help the tiny droid move the mountain of breakfast foods to the table, Carth popped his head in and asked, "Pancakes?"

Mission bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically, but froze at the look on Leslie's face.

Carth, turning to see the cause of the Twi'lek's concern, met the distressed woman's eyes.

"Carth..." Leslie began, "We're on Dantooine."

The pilot's face passed through a multitude of emotions, finally becoming a carefully controlled mask. His eyes, though, were shining intensely with a need to defend her and right the wrongs that she had been through.

The hardened assassin paused, then swallowed hard. It was rare that she felt like this. Normally her default setting of 'Pretty Darn Badass' was pretty well unfazeable, But Dantooine brought back memories of a time when she was vulnerable. Having the Council there didn't help either. The thought of them threatened to make her blood boil, but was cooled off by Carth's gaze. She knew her Blaster Boy wouldn't allow them to do anything to her.

The man in question chose that moment to break the uncomfortable stillness that had settled over the room. Stepping forward, he took Leslie by the arm and gently pulled her towards him and out into the hallway. Brushing his hand against her cheek, he smoothed her hair back and held her to his chest, silently saying all that needed to be said.

Finally, Leslie regained her composure. Her face showed nothing but calm as she looked up at her pilot.

"You gonna be okay?" He asked softly.

She nodded her head before burying it once again in his chest, which she had just noticed was still bare from sleep.

"I'm a big girl."

At this point, the sounds of the opening of the loading ramp could be heard, along with an exasperated sigh.

"For the last time, it's overpopulating and monopolizing. It's just not right." Floated in Cary's voice.

Bastila's voice followed it. "I disagree. I stand with the Jedi Council on this. Your opinion on this matter is strictly of the Dark Side."

"Your face is of the Dark Side."

"Overused comebacks are of the Dark Side."

"Hey, that one's a classic."

Turning the corner, Bastila and Cary stumbled upon a bare-chested Carth and Leslie, still clad in only her Blaster Boy's jacket.

Eyes widening in scandalosity, Bastila exclaimed, "THAT is of the Dark Side!"

Cary shook her head. "Now now, Bastila. That's not of the Dark Side. It's a symptom of a perfectly normal biological reaction. Many people call it love. It results in many things, including situations commonly labeled 'Fluff' by fanfiction authors and can cause sentiments colloquially know as the 'Warm-and-Fuzzies'. 'Fluff' has also been known to cause various sugary substances to be created, such as cotton candy tears or candy corn-"

"- and results in the abuse of certain lines." Interjected Leslie.

Cary raised a finger to her lips. "Shhhhh...."

Carth and Bastila were staring at the curly haired brunette.

Changing the subject, Cary began, "Well... Uh, the reason we're here is that the Council wants to speak with everyone..."

Eyes widening, Leslie whimpered in a high pitched voice, "Wh-what? No, I don't want to! You can't make me!"

Bastila raised an expertly manicured eyebrow and said, "Perhaps we can't make you, but the Council demands it, and we can _Force_ you."

Glaring at her Leslie spoke in her most menacing voice, "You could try."

To prove her point the Jedi threw out her arm and Leslie was engulfed in a purple glow rendering her incapable of movement. Bastila moved forward inspecting the frozen form of the uncooperative party member.

Carth was furious."Now just you wait a min-"

Bastila waved her arm and he too was covered by the purple glow.

Canderous chose this moment to emerge, sans un T-shirt, mais avec un weapon.

"What's Republic yelling about?"

Amanda popped her head around the corner with maple syrup dripping down her face. "Oh Bastila just put Leslie in stasis and he was defending her honor, which consequently got him put into a stasis."

"Ah." He began before being interrupted by Cary glomping him from behind.

"CAND'IKA!" She cried, "You wouldn't believe the horrors they forced upon me! Don't make me go alone, not again! Oh, the obscenities!"

"What happened, Car'ika?"

"NO! It's too obscene!"

"Okay then. Have it your way."

"Let's get going."

...

_10 minuets later..._

The crew of the Ebon Hawk were outside the Council Chamber when Leslie broke free of her stasis. Not hesitating she broke into a full out sprint for freedom. It was quite the attempt, and she was making progress up until the point the crew realized she wasn't there anymore. At that point, her goal nearly in sight, Leslie became aware of the fact she was no longer moving towards her objective. She was still running, fast as her legs would go, but she just wasn't _moving_.

"WHY AREN'T I MOVING GORRAMIT!"

A random little mini Jedi Padawan holding a lollipop piped up, "Cause you're hanging in mid-air, dummy."

Leslie blinked. "Oh. By the way, nice sweater kid."

"Thanks. My mommy sent it to me for my birthday, but I haven't heard from her since. She loves argyle."

"Aw don't worry 'bout it kid."

"Well, there's a hoard of people coming, and they look kinda angry. I don't like angry people, so, goodbye Miss Floating Lady!"

Reaching out after the small Jedi-to-be she called after him, "Noo! Don't leave me!"

As the youngling's footfalls disappeared, a sound comparable to thunder could be heard. The rest of the crew, Bastila in the lead, was storming towards the suspended woman.

Bastila threw her arms out and made follow-me motions at Leslie. Against her will, she was being dragged through the air toward her ultimate doom. At least in her opinion.

Hours later, in the Council Chambers, our heros and heroines were still inside, listen intently (for the most part) to the Council's endless ramblings.

Well, okay. That's a lie. A terrible exaggeration.

Only Bastila was listening intently. Cary, who had heard all this before was tuned out and applying lipgloss while shooting the Council looks from behind Canderous' bare shoulders. The mercenary was thoroughly uninterested, and Mission had begun a game of Pazaak with Big Z. They couldn't care less. T3 was keeping score.

Amanda was sort-of-kind-of-not-really interested, and was thinking that she should have brought a book. Carth was standing near the back of the Chamber, with Leslie who, despite a calm, cool and collect appearance, was seething on the inside.

Vrook seemed to be wrapping up when he turned to Amanda and Leslie. "Now you two will begin your training."

Amanda blinked, but nodded slowly. "Uh, okay then."

Leslie, on the other hand, had been concentrating so fully on glaring-but-not-glaring at the Council that she'd missed their revelation that she and Amanda were Force-Sensitive, and the discussion on the dangers of training them. Coming back to reality, she stared.

"What?"

"I just said that it is time for your training to begin. Weren't you listening?"

"No. I'm offended now." Leslie's face had adapted a false innocent look. "Don't you remember me? Hm I guess not... I'll leave you to stew about for awhile."

And with that she turned on her heel and danced, with an imaginary partner, out of the room.

Bastila looked to the Council, "What was that all about, Masters?"

The Council exchanged glances.

"We're not rightly sure." Replied Master Dorak.

Looking around at the other party members, Carth asked in distress, "Shouldn't someone go after her?"

Cary nodded, "I suppose this meeting is adjourned." She shot the Council a pointed look.

The group dispersed, heading out in different directions. Bastila stayed with the Council while Carth dashed off to find the missing piece of his heart. Mission and Zalbaar began to wander around with a similar goal, as did Amanda and T3.

Cary grabbed Canderous, but as she made to leave the Chamber, Master Vrook called after her.

"We have something we would like to discuss with you."

Cary froze, clutching her Cand'ika's arm tightly. "We've already discussed things. What do you think we were doing this morning?" She shot Canderous a please-help-me-I'm-not-ready-to-die look.

But Vrook was adamant. "This is important."

Bastila and the rest of the Council nodded in agreement. They weren't about to let her go. Canderous gave her a pitying look, to which he received a frosty glare.

"No Uj cake for you."

_Meanwhile..._

Carth was stumbling frantically through the enclave, looking high and low for his missing love. Then, off in the distance he heard a terrible cry, presumably of pain.

"Leslie!" Carth gasped, turning 180 degrees towards the sound.

Rounding a corner, he froze as one of his worst nightmares played out before his eyes. On the ground, was Leslie. She was tightly clutching her abdomen, face contorted in pain. Standing over her, was a man with brown hair, glasses and a menacing expression.

Then the man spoke in a low voice that sounded remarkably like Dr Claw. "Time to die, for you!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Carth, whipping out a blaster.

Leslie looked up at the sound of the pilot's voice, stopping when she saw his blaster drawn.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. STOP IT! No, bad Carth, bad Carth!" she exclaimed as she launched herself at his legs, knocking him over. The two tumbled together in a mix of limbs.

"Leslie!" Carth yelled. "It'll all be okay, just don't go into the light!"

"Uh, Carth?" the blonde asked from underneath him. "I'm nowhere remotely close to dying. What are you yelling about?"

Frantic, the soldier looked rapidly between Leslie and the other man, who was observing the pair with an amused look. "But... He... You... Injured... 'Time to die'..."

The woman shook her head. "Don't be silly. We were just joking around. Carth, I'd like you to meet my old friend, Riley. Riley... uh, this is Carth. He's a little bit overprotective, but I love him anyways."

Riley smirked, and gave Carth a salute.

The pilot raised an eyebrow, rolling off Leslie. "Friend, eh?"

Leslie rolled her eyes, sitting up. "Yeah... Do you have a problem with that?"

Carth looked sheepishly up at her. "Well... maybe."

Leslie made to reply, when she was cut off by Riley. "Uh, I'm sure this is an important conversation, but aside from this being terribly awkward, um, you guys may want to consider your current state of, well... _Dress_."

Leslie and Carth looked at each other, then looked down at themselves. Carth was still missing a shirt, and Leslie was wearing almost nothing but said missing garment.

Looking back at each other, Leslie commented, "We went to see the Jedi Council dressed like this, didn't we?"

"Yeah."

"Go se."

---

**A/N:** Well, we finished. Just in time too. Wow, things have been über busy lately with school, and we've only finally been able to get together.

Anyways, we want to wish you dear readers a (Belated) Merry Christmas (and happy whatever other holidays you may celebrate) and a Happy New Year.

Insider explanations:

- 'the school where they work _above_': We had a student teacher at our old school that told Amanda that she 'worked above' and should go to a _special_ school.

- scandalosity : It's a word... Now.

- random French: Cary was typing and couldn't figure out how to say what she was trying to in English, so switched to French. _Canderous chose this moment to emerge without a shirt, but with a weapon._

- random kid with the lollipop: The imaginary good twin of Cary's cousin. She wishes he were real.

- Riley's Dr Claw Voice : Our friend Riley can do this thing where he really does sound like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget.

- Riley's salute : He knows a lot about different military stuff for various countries. He gave us a crash course in a few different ones.


	10. Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Chapter Ten: Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Disclaimer: If KOTOR had really been like this we would have long ago died laughing.

--

"... Amanda you have been assigned to be the apprentice of Master Zhar. And you Leslie have been assigned to Master Vrook."

Amanda, who had been paying rapt attention walked away chatting with Master Zhar, and Vrook was tapping his foot impatiently waiting for a now fully clothed Leslie, to follow him. When Leslie didn't respond, he cleared his throat and said, "Well, apprentice let us go."

Leslie, who had been zoned out for the entire meeting turned her head groggily and mumbled, "Wha...?"

His features forming a scowl, the master replied, "With me, a_pprentice_. It's time to begin your training."

As realization dawned, the blonde's face slowly dropped to one of horrified disbelief. "What?"

…

An aura of peace and serenity surrounded Amanda as she sat cross-legged on the training mat. The various objects surrounding her were floating lazily in circles, and as her mind slipped into the Force, she began to slowly levitate off the ground.

On the other side of the room Leslie was also sitting cross-legged on the floor, but the aura surrounding her was one filled with hate and anger. The objects around her were spontaneously combusting into small mushroom clouds.

Vrook was frantically lecturing the importance of _not_ destroying the Enclave in a fiery ball of doom.

"Leslie! Stop this nonsense at once! You will never get a lightsaber of your own if you cause the Enclave to combust into a mushroom-shaped cloud!"

Leslie raised an eyebrow at him. "How about a pear shaped cloud?"

The Jedi Master was not amused. "Enough! I will not tolerate this unruly behavior, nor your child-like misuse of the Force."

"But I like blowing things up..." The insolent apprentice pouted, looking meaningfully at Vrook. The Jedi Master slowly began to levitate off the ground.

"Don't blow me up!"

An object not two feet from the exasperated Jedi burst into flame. A random Jedi popped his head into the training room. His shirt, Leslie noticed, bore the slogan 'Alpha Cucumber', accompanied by a picture of a cucumber.

"Is that Tim the Enchanter? Wow, I haven't seen him around here for a long time!"

Leslie dropped to the floor. "Why does everyone think I'm a guy GORRAMIT!"

Vrook gave a confused look to his unwilling apprentice. "Why would people think you were a man?"

Leslie shifted uncomfortably. "Uhhh... No reason."

The old Jedi grabbed her arm before she could go back to 'meditating'. "Come apprentice, it's time you learned about the Jedi's sacred weapon; the lightsaber.

…

Meanwhile, just outside the Enclave, Cary and Canderous were conversing lightly when they were interrupted by a man.

"Oh, please! You have to help me!" He shouted frantically and emphatically.

Cary raised an eyebrow, exchanging a glance with Canderous. "What's wrong?"

"Those barbarians! The Mandalorian Raiders attacked my home, killed my daughter and trampled my begonias! There was nothing I could do... I wasn't fast enough. They must pay, those savages!"

Canderous crossed his arms. "You let them kill your daughter? You should have protected her better. It's your duty-"

"Never mind that... Do you know how expensive those begonias were? I had them imported directly from Ithor! How am I going to get a hold of another set?"

Cary stared at him. "Your daughter was murdered, and you're more concerned about your _begonias_! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Well..." The man looked away. "Will you help me get my revenge or not? My bego- er, my Ilsa needs avenging!"

The brunette and the Mandalorian exchanged looks. Canderous shrugged in a 'What the hell, we've got nothing better to do' fashion, so Cary replied "Alright, we'll do this. But we are _not_ doing it for your damned begonias."

The man looked slightly offended at the stab at his plants but shrugged it off. "Come tell me when you've gotten rid of them."

He walked away from them towards another group of settlers, presumably to recount his tragic tale. Shaking her head, Cary grabbed Canderous' hand and began walking to the entrance to the grassy plains.

…

_Meanwhile back inside the Enclave..._

Amanda stood at the workbench inside the training room, blindfolded and putting the pieces of a replica lightsaber back together. As she put the fake crystal in, the doors burst open to reveal a frantic and emphatic Vrook.

"Apprentice, have you seen my lightsaber?"

Amanda gave him a confused look. "Aren't Jedi supposed to have their lightsabers with them at all times?"

He shifted uncomfortably, "Well..."

_Approximately two minuets earlier..._

"... and thats why a Jedi should always have their lightsaber with them."

Leslie sat half asleep from the lecture she was getting on the history and use of Vrook's favorite thing in the Galaxy; the lightsaber.

Cocking her head to the side she asked, "So Master, where's yours?"

Vrook looked smug. "Why right here on my... belt."

As he spoke his hand had gone to the special holster on his belt only to find it empty. It took a whole 3.8 seconds for any sort of recognition to register on his face. Then his features ran the gambit of emotions from shock, horror, anger to heartbreak.

"My... my lightsaber..." His face paled, tears forming in his eyes, and he ran from the room.

_Back in the present time..._

"Oh! Master, I found it!" Came Leslie's voice from the direction of the lavatories.

Vrook's head snapped around in her direction. "Good! Bring it here apprentice."

"It's in the toilet..."

"How the hell did it get there? Never mind, I'm coming." The Jedi Master said heading off in the direction of the loo. Amanda followed, intrigued.

As they entered the washroom, they saw Leslie standing next to a toilet, a metallic silver shape barely visible inside the rim.

"Oh! I think I can lift it out with the Force!" Before Vrook had the chance to voice his reluctance, Leslie reached out a hand towards the toilet, but as she took a step forward, she slipped and her hand waved the wrong way. An ominous flush was the only sound, and then -

"Verdammen, Leslie." Came Riley's exasperated and chiding voice as he passed by.

"What? I didn't do it... I slipped." Leslie replied, feigning innocence.

"Master Vrook?" Amanda asked, concerned. "Are you alright?"

The Jedi turned his face slowly away from the offending plumbing fixture that had the gall to eat his lightsaber. Tears were filling his eyes as he looked at Amanda.

"Am I alright? Am _I_ alright?! My lov- my _lightsaber_ has just been flushed down the toilet! That was my first lightsaber, I've had it for so long! It was my best friend!"

Amanda blinked as one lone tear spilled from Vrook's eyes. She then watched as the Master hastily wiped the tear away, rounding on his apprentice.

"And _you_... I've had it with your nonsense, your insolence, your... DARKSIDEDNESS!"

Leslie frowned. "I'm not darksided."

"The combustion? The _mushroom clouds_? The anger and hate coursing through you?" Vrook countered.

"Well I've had it with you! You're boring lectures, the condescending look you give me, and your all around boring-ness! I mean is it a job requirement to be boring?!"

Vrook shifted from foot to foot. "Well..."

Amanda chose that moment to end the petty argument. "Excuse me Master, but since you and Leslie well, hate each others guts-"

Vrook looked affronted, "I do not HATE her! Hate is of the darkside!"

Amanda rolled her eyes. "Well, you strongly _dislike_ each other, why don't you put Master Riley in charge of Leslie's training? They seem to get along well."

Vrook's eyes lit up at the possibility of not having to deal with his apprentice again. "Brilliant idea apprentice! Send for Master Riley immediately. I must go and tell the Council of this."

And with that, Vrook rushed out of the room.

…

Cary blew smoke off the end of her favorite blaster after she had unloaded a stream of rapid fire into a Mandalorian Raider, who was now corpsified. Going through his remains Cary picked up thirteen credits and an iPod shuffle. To her left, Canderous was hefting two large guns and a pineapple.

Cary blinked. "Pineapple? Who carries pineapple on their person?"

Canderous shrugged. "People carry around all kinds of random osik on their person. Pineapples are normal in comparison."

"Huh." Cary replied, pulling her Handy-Dandy Quest Log seemingly out of nowhere. The ancient tomb was at least a foot thick, with musty yellowed pages. Conjuring a pair of rectangular reading specs out of thin air, she perched the glasses on her nose. Opening the book, Cary flipped to the 'Dantooine' section.

"Alrighty, says here that we'll be facing the leader next. You ready for that, Cand'ika?"

"Anything for you Car'ika. Those honourless dar'mande are nothing but a disgrace to my people, tainting our name. It is almost my _duty_ to remove them."

Cary smiled as she headed for the last clearing. "You know, you're adorable when your being all honorable."

Canderous just gave her a look that said, 'I'm-not-adorable-I'm-disappointed-with-the-state-of-my-people'.

They walked around the broad fields of Dantooine when, in the distance, the last group of Mandalorians stood as if waiting to get their shebse kicked.

The pair of fighters cautiously made their way over and went unnoticed until they hit the ten foot radius around the Raiders.

Then! As if a cut scene had just been triggered, the lead Mandalorian began to speak in his manly voice,

"Canderous, is that you?"

Canderous stood there, tall and proud next to his cyar'ika. "Yeah. What do you want?" he said gruffly.

The leader of the group stepped forward and it was as if they'd been transported to the set of an Herbal Essences commercial. The leader had long, platinum blonde hair that, in slow-motion swung out as she pulled of the helmet.

The woman dropped her helmet unceremoniously to the ground. "But Candy, how can you say that after all the time we spent together!"

Cary blinked several times before looking from the impossible blonde standing before her to the man at her side. Her tone was flat. "Canderous, who is this?"

The Mandalorian was rapidly trying to control his features, but the look on his face said that he knew that there was no way this could end happily for him. He'd obviously never intended to let Cary know about this past affair.

"Uh... No one in particular."

The blonde looked shocked as fake tears began to fill her eyes. "But _Candy_, how could you have forgotten _me_? After all that we meant to each other!"

Canderous looked at Cary, eyes pleading for her to understand. The brunette turned to other woman, her gaze frosty. "How do you know Canderous?"

The blonde smirked, tossing her impossibly long hair and giving Canderous a knowing wink. "We were partners."

Cary took a deep breath. Her voice was cold as she shot a look at her man. "In what way?"

Walking over to Canderous, the female Mandalorian practically threw herself on him. "In every way."

Cary stood there, her hands resting just above her holsters.

Canderous was trying extract himself from the blonde's grasp. "That's nice but you can let go of me... _Now._"

The blonde pouted. "Candy! How can you say that after all the time we spent in my bedroll!"

Cary stood unmoving except for her left eye, which was twitching.

Winking suggestively, the woman whispered loud enough for Cary to hear, "Come on Candy. Don't you want to share armor like we used to?"

Something inside Cary snapped. She grabbed the other woman roughly and shoved her away. As her rival for Canderous' affection got to her feet, Cary braced her hands on her holsters as if she were planning to draw her guns. The blonde mimicked the brunette's motions, and Canderous looked on with some excitement, anticipating a good old Western-Style Showdown. After all, wasn't it nearly every Mandalorian's daydream to watch two female warriors battle it out in an epic duel?

As the tension reached its peak, the two stepped forward and began to slap each other. Their arms were a blur as they frantically whacked their opponent's limbs. Canderous stared in disbelief.

As the two combatants broke apart, Cary resumed her position next to Canderous. He leaned in to her ear, whispering, "You know, that wasn't very dignified."

Cary glared at him, unstrapped his monster of a blaster from its place on his back, and promptly blasted the blonde in the face. Twice.

Seeing the look on the brunette's face, the rest of the Raiders turned tail and fled. Canderous waited silently, knowing that he was undoubtedly neck deep in osik.

Cary turned to him, fury barely contained. "No Uj Cake for you."

Not really understanding the implications of her sentence but glad that she didn't seem to intend to do him any bodily harm, Canderous nodded placatingly. "Sure, Car'ika. What ever you say."

--

Hey guys! So we apologize for the long absence. Cary went and got herself sick so we couldn't get together. -Leslie glares at Cary-. So the chapter was mainly filler but there are some things that need explaining:

Alpha Cucumber: Our most faithful reviewer. Go check out her stuff it's awesome :)

Frantically and Emphatically: It seems like such a hard concept to grasp especially when your acting

Verdammen: Means 'damn it' in German. (Riley is German)

Conjuring stuff out of thin air: Cary is always prepared. She has the ability to randomly conjure things out of thin air. 'Cause she's special.

The Blonde: Who e have not so affectionately named Jenny. Loosely based off the Mary-Sue Starr in the story, _Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around_ by crazyroninchic (Lord of the Rings). Go read it. You will laugh long and hard.

If anyone can pick out the Torchwood reference you get a cup of King Ianto's coffee

No Uj cake for you: Cary can make Uj cake. It's good. If she makes it you want some.

So remember, REVIEW... Please?

-Cary & Leslie


	11. Unamused Uj

Chapter Elven: Unamused Uj

Disclaimer: Joss is boss... wait wrong fandom. WE OWN NOTHING (except ourselves... we hope)

SORRY FOR THE WAIT! ALPHA, DON'T KILL US!!!!!

--

Out on the plains of Dantooine there stood three figures. One in fancy Jedi robes, one in a plain padawan robe, and the other in shiny green gym shorts and a white t-shirt over-top a well loved set chainmail. The Jedi, Master Riley had been assigned the duty of instructing the two newest apprentices the most important lesson a Jedi can learn: How Not To Be Seen.

"On these plains there are forty-seven people, none of them can be seen. In this lesson I hope to show you how not to be seen. This is Mr. E.R. Bradshaw of Napier Court, Black Lion Road. He can not be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up." Riley turned from the girls to the expanse of grassland.

"Mr. Bradshaw will you stand up please." In the distance, a Mr Bradshaw stood up. Loud gunshot sounded a moment later and Mr Bradshaw keeled over, having been shot in the stomach. He crumpled to the ground. " This demonstrates the value of not being seen. Now let's move on."

Amanda looked at Leslie with a what-the-frak-was-that look on her face as the Jedi Master lead the two apprentices to an empty area of scrub land.

"In this area we cannot see Mrs. B.J. Smegma of 13, The Cresent, Belmont. Mrs Smegma will you stand up please."

All three heads turned to the right as Mrs. Smegma stood up. Another gunshot was heard and the trio watched as Mrs. Smegma met the same fate as Mr. Bradshaw. Amanda's eyes widened, but as she opened her mouth to protest the violent nature of the lesson, Riley swept the two to yet another area, this one with a bush in the middle.

"This is Mr Nesbitt of Harlow New Town. Mr Nesbit would you stand up please." Riley paused, and this time to Amanda's relief, nothing happened. Riley smiled. "Nesbitt has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover."

The bush proceeded to explode, the boom accompanied by a muffled scream. Amanda's eyes bugged out at the mushroom shaped cloud.

Leslie had a satisfied expression on her face. "Nice cloud." 

Riley nodded. "Yup."

Motioning them to turn to the left, the trio observed that there were three immaculately cared for begonia bushes.

"Mr. E.V. Lambert of Homeleigh, The Burrows, Oswestly, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out." Riley stated with a wave of his arm. The bush on the left exploded much the same as the first. The other two met the same fate and as the middle bush exploded, they could see flying bits of humanoid shoot up to the sky.

Chuckling to himself, Riley spoke with fondness, "Yes it was the middle one."

Moving along to another area, one with plenty of cover, the Jedi Master continued his lesson.

"Mr Ken Andrews, of Leighton Road, Slough has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the speeder, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel."

As if on cue, the water barrel disappeared into a fiery explosion. Master Riley then led the apprentices towards a hut, explaining as they went.

"Mr. and Mrs. Watson of Ivy Cottage, Worplesdon Road, Hull, chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we called at their house, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However a neighbour told us where there were."

Gesturing to the hut, it too blew up.

"And here is the neighbour."

The neighbour proceeded to explode, leaving only his pants behind.

"Here is where he lived. And this is where Lord Langdin lived who refused to speak to us. So did the gentleman who lived there.... and there... and of course there....." Each sentence was punctuated by a loud, far-off boom. Mushroom clouds could be seen faintly in the distance.

"Okay, that's it, STOP! How is this relevant to Jedi Training? I mean, blowing people up?! That doesn't seem very Jedi-like." Amanda interjected, finally losing her cool.

Riley shifted uncomfortably. "Of course it's Jedi-like..." He trailed off.

--

The smell of nutty fruity goodness wafted through the _Ebon Hawk_ as Amanda and Leslie returned to the ship after a long day of training.

Despite being throughly soaked from a spiteful raincloud, Leslie exclaimed excitedly, "I can't believe we saw _elves_ that looked straight out of Middle-Earth walking through the plains of Dantooine!"

The perfectly dry Amanda was still on edge from their training. "Yeah... But what were they doing here?"

Making their way through the halls with the intention of collapsing on their respective bunks, they wandered into the ship's common area. Leslie was first to notice the delicious aroma coming from the kitchenette.

"Is that..."

Amanda's eyes widened. "Uj cake?"

The women raced towards the scent, skidding to a halt in front of Cary. She stood in the middle of the kitchenette area, with bright red oven mitts and an apron that had the slogan, _Venez au c__ôté obscur: Nous avons des biscuits._

The older brunette smiled. "Yup. Perfect timing too, I've just finished. Go and get the others – I'm about to dish it out."

Leslie and Amanda raced over to the Big Red Button on the wall.

"I want to press the button!" Exclaimed Amanda.

Leslie batted her hand out of the way. "Mine!"

Snatching her hand back, Amanda fixed the blonde with her patented I-Am-NOT-Amused face. Her friend pouted, then whipped her hand out and palmed the button anyways.

A blaring alarm screeched through the Hawk, emergency lights bathing the girls in red hues. Eyes narrowing, Amanda's face went from I-Am-NOT-Amused to I-Am-REALLY-Not-Amused. Leslie paled, turned on her heel and ran.

Passing Carth, who was making his way to the source of the alarm, Leslie dove behind her pilot for cover.

"Leslie?"

"Shhhh! I'm not here."

Carth turned to look at her. "You wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the alarm, would you?"

"Maybe... But that's not important. Is that jacket of yours resistant to WMDs?" She asked, glancing around worried.

"Uhh... Why?"

"No reason. Just.. Uh, it's a very nice jacket and uh... Amanda might not be amused right now..."

"What does her not being amused have to do with anything? Is that why you pulled the alarm? Because Amanda's _not amused_?" Shaking his head at the nonsense, the soldier took the woman by the arm and half dragged her to the kitchenette.

"NOOOO!" She protested, attempting to get away. "Don't make me stare into the Face of DEATH!"

Leslie hesitantly turned her gaze towards Amanda, only to see the brunette munching happily on a piece of freshly baked Uj cake. Carth had an incredulous look on his face.

"A real Harbinger of Doom, that girl."

Amanda glanced up, grinning at the pilot. "Uj cake?" she asked, gesturing towards the plates sitting in a row on the table, each adorned with a slice of the tasty goodness.

"Mmmm... Don't mind if I do." Smiling at the girl, he helped himself to a plate and sat down between Mission and Zalbaar.

Leslie, desperate, looked to Cary. "You can vouch for me! When she's not amused, she..." the blonde shuddered.

Shaking her head, Cary replied, "I'm not getting into this. Uj cake?"

Taking off her glasses, Leslie calmly walked over to the table and grabbed a piece of Uj. Hunched over she stepped into a shadowy corner of the kitchenette.

"Oh fine don't believe me. Just wait one day it'll happen to you and then it'll be too late. And I'll laugh because I warned you!" She trailed off and let out a maniacal sounding cackle.

Mission leaned into the table. "I think she has finally gone around the bend."

From her corner Leslie muttered, "Fine think I'm crazy. But I know, oh do I know what will happen..."

Flouncing into the area, Bastila wrinkled her nose at Cary's baking.

"By the Force! What _is_ that? It looks and smells awful! As leader of this mission I order you to get it off the ship right this minuet!"

Turning to face the uppity Jedi, Cary wagged her finger condescendingly. "Nuh uh. My Uj cake."

Bastila wasn't paying attention to what Cary was saying but to what she was wearing.

"By the Force! You've turned to the dark side! That is why you are all eating this, this MONSTROUSITY!"

Glasses on, Leslie got out of her shadowy corner. "Well I gave her that apron last Christmas."

The Jedi whipped around to face the blonde. "WHAT?! And we have been teaching you to use the Force. Wait until the Masters hear about this!"

And with that she stormed out of the Ebon Hawk, past a confused Canderous.

The Mandalorian walked slowly to the kitchenette, following his nose. Popping his head through the doorway, his face lit up as he asked, "Uj cake?"

Cary smiled at him pleasantly, and he stepped cautiously forward into the room. Turning away from him, the apron-clad woman took a clean plate out of the cabinet. Moving to the baking pan, she transferred the last piece of the moist cake to the dish and proceeded to ladle a generous amount of the thick, orange syrup over it. Moseying on over to Canderous, she held the plate out in front of her.

Inhaling the sweet scent, the man reached out for the traditional Mandalorian delicacy. Then, Car'ika spoke the words that crushed the hardened warrior's hopes.

"No Uj cake for you."

And with that, she sauntered past him out of the room, taking the Uj cake with her.

"Ouch."

Canderous turned around and saw Carth leaning in the other doorway of the now empty kitchenette.

"What do you want Republic?"

Walking into the room Carth said, "Canderous, take a seat. I'm going to give you some advice."

Crossing his well-muscled arms, he stated gruffly, "I don't need advice from a pansy-ass Republic."

Ignoring the comment Carth, pulled out a chair and sat down, straddling it.

"Whether you think you need my advice or not, you're going to get it. Now, when a man and a woman love each other, this leads to certain, _feelings_ to arise-"

"Dammit Onasi! I don't need you to talk to me about sex!" Canderous exclaimed in an irritated voice.

Carth shook his head.

"Don't jump to conclusions. I'm talking about _jealousy_. I've been married before Ordo and by the way Cary was treating you, she was jealous and is now extremely angry with you. And to get your Uj cake you need to apologize. Preferably with a gift of some sort."

Canderous opened his mouth to say something but Carth cut him off.

"Before you ask, I can't tell you what to get her, every woman is different."

Canderous took a seat at the table.

"Now, Canderous I have one last thing to tell you. This piece of advice has been passed down through the generations of male Onasies; women don't know what they want, all they know is that they want it _now_."

A call could be heard from across the Hawk, "Carth! Can you come and help me get my armor off? It's stuck!"

Smiling, Carth got up from his place at the table. "See Canderous, if you keep your girl happy, she'll make you happy."

And with that, Carth walked out of the room.

--

A/N: So there it is, Chapter Elven. Finally. Just an additional disclaimer, pretty well the entire first portion of the chapter was based off (a phrase here which means lovingly ripped off of) Monty Python's How Not To Be Seen. Please don't hunt us down, we don't own Monty Python.

- Chapter Elven : Leslie had another typo. See the Seventh Vhapter

- Shiny green gym shorts and a white t-shirt : Whenever Leslie does physical activity wearing her white t-shirt, she gets rained on

- Leslie being thoroughly soaked : See above

- _Venez au côté obscur: Nous avons des biscuits _: French for "Come to the Darkside: We have cookies."

- Perfect timing : Cary has perfect timing, completely by accident

- I-Am-NOT-Amused face : Amanda's I-Am-NOT-Amused face is the best we've ever seen. Siriusly

- Maniacal sounding cackle : Leslie does that. It's kinda creepy.

- "Women don't know what they want, all they know is that they want it _now_." : An amazing line from a school play.


	12. And Three Shall be the Number of Trials

Chapter Twelve: And Three Shall be the Number of Trials

Disclaimer: We don't own this osik.

--

The days passed quickly for the Jedi-in-Training. They spent most of their time doing exercises and studying for their trials. Or in Leslie's case, finding every way possible to avoid studying, including cleaning peanut butter stains out of her socks. The night before the trials, the two girls were frantically preparing for the following day.

In one corner of the Ebon Hawk's common area, Amanda had commandeered several desks and set up her study corner. The Logical!Manda who had calmly arranged the corner when she'd begun studying more than a week earlier had gone. She'd been replaced by a much scarier incarnation, Frantic!Manda. Frantic!Manda is easily recognized by her increasingly snarky comments, a rising level of swearing and like a small child learning their first words, a fondness of saying "No."

Leslie, on the other hand was calm, cool, and procrastinating. Sitting with Cary who was drawing on large white poster boards, she turned to her fellow Padawan.

"So Manda, how goes the studying?"

Looking up from a pile of papers she quipped, "Better than your face!"

And she went back to memorizing the sheets of information in front of her.

Cary, looking up from her poster board stated, "You know, I think Carth may disagree with that."

Amanda didn't bother looking up, "I think your face disagrees with that."

"But-"

Looking up she deadpanned, "Your face."

Shaking her head Cary turned to her rather distracted friend.

"Are you going to help with these?"

Amanda said in a stern voice, "No."

Rolling her eyes Cary replied, "I was talking to Leslie."

Jotting down a note of some sort Amanda snapped, "Your mother was talking to Leslie."

Coming out of her daze, Leslie turned to look in the general direction of where the conversation was taking place. "Wha?"

Sending her friend an exasperated glare, Cary asked, "Are you going to help me with them at all?"

Putting on a thoughtful expression for all of ten seconds Leslie squeaked out, "Ni!"

Rolling her eyes, Cary went back to the posters. "Fine, but if they suck it'll be all your fault."

"Thanks, Cary. I'm off to work on phase two."

Leaving the room, she bumped in to a rather irate Bastila.

"You call that a solution?! Your "solution" resulted in the deaths of both Mr Matale and Mr. Sandral, at their children's hands!"

Following the Jedi into the room, Canderous bellowed, "We stopped the feud! Wasn't that the point?"

Shooting an unamused look from her corner, Amanda grumbled, "Your FACE was the point."

Frowning at Amanda's new incarnation, the Mandalorian asked Cary, "What's gotten into her?"

The soldier rolled her eyes. "Jedi Trials are tomorrow morning. 'Frantic!Manda is busy studying, and I've got to get these finished. Where's the orange marker?"

Frantic!Manda snipped, "Up. Your. Bum."

Canderous raised an eyebrow, failing to hide a smirk.

Cary glared. "Don't even."

…

_Revan and Malak stood before a large stone door inside a lightless, underground chamber. Malak was blathering on about choices, points of no return and other such things of little importance. Revan, exuding boredness, could be seen pacing in front of the door, feeling the darkness radiating from the sealed room within. After a few moment's examination, Revan waved a hand to open the door. Venturing inside, the pair stood before a stone statue that seemed to be opening and giving off a near blinding glow._

Waking up from their respective places at the table, Amanda and Leslie jolted upright. A crayon and the imprint of her colouring book were stuck to Leslie's face. Amanda blinked a few times, frowning at her friend.

"Okay, what was that?"

"Ow! Bastila, that's _not_ necessary!" Cary protested as the Jedi dragged her into the common area by her ear. "It's bad enough that you had to wake me up... I was having a dream. Now I'm going to forget it. It was a nice dream. With caffa. And shirtless men. Serving caffa..." she grumbled.

"The council must be informed of this."

Escaping Bastila's grasp, Cary whined, " Why do _I _have to come? I didn't have your shabbla bloody vision! Take these two with you, I want to sleep!"

"No. They have trials in the morning. They need to rest - they still have about four hours to sleep."

"And so do I!"

Leslie reached up and patted her friend on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Cary. I'll sleep for you."

"So will I." Amanda yawned, motioning for Leslie to follow her as they relocated to somewhere more comfy to catch some zzz's.

"No, I'ma gunna go this way... Carth is over there. Sleepy jacket-man. Cozy jacket-man."

Bastila grabbed the blonde by the shoulders and spun her around to face the girls dorm. The Jedi-to-be dreamily wandered in the general direction of her bunk.

"Let us go, Cary. The Council awaits."

Flipping her off behind her back, Cary mumbled, "Seriously, they await at this hour?"

A pair of well-muscled arms encircled the reluctant woman from behind. She stiffened momentarily, but calmed immediately when a travel mug of caffa appeared before her. Taking it happily, the brunette turned and kissed her merc on the cheek.

"Thank you, Candy," she murmured sleepily as she walked away.

The mercenary punched the air in triumph.

…

Later that morning, Bastila returned to fetch Amanda and Leslie for their trials.

Amanda, who was already awake and getting in some more revision, didn't even look up as the snooty Jedi came in.

Leslie on the other hand, was sprawled out on her bunk backwards with her covers tangled around her.

Standing beside the sleeping woman, Bastila leaned down and yelled in her ear, "Leslie, why aren't you awake yet?! Get up you silly, silly girl!"

Turning her head away from the unwelcome Jedi, Leslie raised her left hand and flipped Bastila off.

Letting out a gasp of scandelosity, Bastila raised her arms and using the Force, lifted the semi-conscious Leslie up and off her bunk, dumping her onto the cold metal floor.

Groaning, Leslie got up, and glaring murderously at Bastila, stumbled to the freshers.

_One hour later..._

Emerging from the freshers, dressed and fiddling with one of her sleeves Leslie went into the kitchenette to grab a cup of caffa. Upon entering the room, Leslie saw that various crew members were attempting to ease Amanda's nerves.

"I'm going to fail," Amanda announced.

Mission shook her head. "You're not going to fail, Manda, you can't. If _you're _going to fail, think of Leslie! She didn't even study!"

Crossing her arms, the Jedi-to-Be sighed, "But Leslie always wings things... And she comes out fine."

"Exactly. If she can wing it and do fine, you – who studied – will do awesome!"

Amanda shook her head. "No, no no!"

"It's a lost cause, you guys," Cary interrupted, halfway through her daily dose of wonderfully caffeinated caffa and finally able to tune into the conversation. "She'll be fine after the trials."

"Speaking of trials, you two need to hurry up or you'll be late." Came Bastila's voice.

"And Bastila over there will have a coronary." Carth quipped.

Leslie perked up, but before she could add anything, Cary made a face. "Please don't. I am not _nearly_ awake enough to deal with that nor am I in the mood. Carth would know that keeping your medic up all night is not a good idea if you're planning on having a coronary. Someone else will have to clean it up."

Cary shot Leslie a glare.

Canderous crossed his arms. "Well what I want to know, is what Republic did to keep up those medics," Canderous said with an eyebrow waggle. "Better not have been this one," he added while attempting to place an arm around Cary's waist.

Cary side stepped the Mandalorian. "Listen you chakaar, it takes more than a cup of caf to get out of the Akk house."

Canderous pouted at the retreating form of his cyar'ika.

_Outside the training room..._

The Ebon Hawk's crew was stationed outside the training room, and the Jedi-to-be were either a) reviewing with Master Riley or b) fiddling with ones left sleeve.

Master Zhar came out of the room and beckoned Amanda over. "Come Apprentice, your destiny awaits."

Gulping, and looking slightly green, Amanda made her way into the room, the doors swooshing closed behind her.

The rest of the group stood in silence for several seconds, until Mission piped up, "Well Leslie, you're next."

Turing to the second Padawan, Master Riley asked, "Do you have any last minute questions? If you like, we have time to go over a few-"

The Jedi was abruptly cut off by the opening of the doors and Amanda's exit from the training chamber.

"Or maybe not."

"Amanda! That was fast," exclaimed Carth. "How'd you do?"

"I think I failed."

"Aww, don't say that! I'm sure you did great." Mission reassured, giving the brunette a high-five.

Leslie raised an eyebrow. "You can't have been in there longer than 15 seconds. What did you _do_ in there?"

"They just asked me a couple questions, you know, to see what kind of person I am, what I could bring to the Jedi workplace, etc... then I recited the code and made my lightsaber." She replied with a wave of her lightsaber. "Then they sent me out here to tell you to come in."

Peering into the training room, all that could be heard was a loud expletive, "Frack!"

As she turned to flee, Carth grabbed Leslie by the shoulders to thwart her attempt at a daring escape.

"C'mon gorgeous, you have to go in," Carth said as he moved her towards the door.

Looking hopeful Leslie asked, "Can I have a kiss for good luck?"

Smiling at her Carth replied, "You can have one when you finish, now go!"

Having been pushed through the doors, Leslie stumbled into the chamber and was greeted by Master Zhar.

"Good morning, padawan. Are you ready for your trials?"

"Uhh..." Leslie began nervously. "No."

The Jedi Master smiled. "Good, let's get started then. What gender are you?"

Looking down at her chest, Leslie looked back at Master Zhar. "Female last time I checked"

"Are you suspicious of others motives?"

"Yes?"

"Do believe you have extra sensory abilities?"

"I should hope so."

"Do you see people who get taken advantage of as weak and deserving of they got?"

"No."

"Are you prone to bouts of anger?"

"Well... yes."

"What do you think of argyle?"

"I like it about as much as I like plaid."

"What unique skills do you posses that would be an asset to the Jedi workforce?"

Looking thoughtful, Leslie answered, "Well, I can clean peanut butter stains out of socks..."

Master Zhar's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Thats wonderful!"

After several more questions Zhar was impressed. "Let's move on, shall we? Now, please recite the Jedi Code."

"Okay..." Leslie glanced around nervously. On cue, Cary dropped down outside the window, holding a large teleprompter card.

Reading off the card, Leslie spoke with confidence. "There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance. There is..." Leslie jerked her head.

Cary looked at the card and quickly flipped it right-side up.

Nodding, Leslie continued, "Knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is..." Leslie's eyes widened. "Canderous?"

Zhar frowned. Out the window behind him on Cary's teleprompter card, was an image of the Mandalorian wearing a pair of gizka print swim shorts.

Cary, looking at the card, flushed and dropped it.

Peering around the Jedi Master, Leslie said, "Uh, I meant chaos."

Rubbing his chin the old man remarked, "Well I suppose they are very similar."

Leslie nodded emphatically. "There is no chaos, there is harmony... There is no death, there is the Force."

"Well done, apprentice. Now, take this blue crystal and construct your lightsaber."

…

At the workbench, Leslie looked over her shoulder to see that Master Zhar was chatting with Master Dorak over the comm.

Looking down at the bench, Leslie pulled a familiar lightsaber from the hidden holster on her arm. Trying to remember how Amanda put the crystal in, Leslie hastily took out the green crystal and carefully put in the new one.

Stepping away from the bench, Leslie pressed the ignition button on 'her' lightsaber. With a faint buzz the blue plasma energy burst forth from the well cared for hilt.

"Congratulations Apprentice, not many people get it on their first try."

Shrugging off the not earned praise, Leslie said, "Eh, what can I say? I'm talented."

…

_Back in the Council Chamber... _

"So, for your last trial, you must go and purge the evil from the Sacred Grove," Master Zhar said.

The two women nodded and turned to leave when Master Vrook spoke up.

"_Accio_ Lightsaber!"

Placing a hand on her hip to stop the lightsaber from returning to its former Master, Leslie ushered Amanda out of the room.

Joining the two apprentices, Cary asked nonchalantly, "So, Leslie, how'd the trials go? Where we headed now?"

Leslie smirked, "They went fine. Definitely passed with at least an 80%."

Rolling her eyes, Amanda sighed. "We still have to complete the third trial. Master Zhar has tasked us with cleansing the taint from an ancient grove. Wanna come?"

"Sure."

Exiting the enclave, the trio wandered in the direction of the quest objective. The friends ploughed through numerous rabid kath hounds until they finally reached the source of the taint. Approaching the ruins, the group could see a lone figure meditating among the broken rocks.

Stopping short of alerting the person ahead, Cary turned to her two Jedi companions, and with emphatic hand gestures, asked, "Okay, we need a battle plan. Who is going to fight Juhani? I can't because they're _your_ trials."

Amanda turned to Leslie. "I'll do it. I don't want to fail and you probably aren't very good at redeeming people."

Saluting the younger woman, Leslie fell into step beside Amanda along with Cary.

Once they reached a certain distance in front of the Cathar woman, Leslie and Cary became frozen in the purple stasis glow.

"I will be your DOOM!"

Amanda drew her lightsaber, assuming a proper dueling stance. Her opponent mirrored her, and an understanding passed between the two combatants. Muscles tensed, eyes met, and both women lunged forward...

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, SPOCK!" They cried in unison, each showing their choice with their hands.

"Ha! Spock vaporizes Rock! You have to come back to the Light Side!"

The indignant Dark Jedi pouted. "Two out of three!"

Shaking her head Amanda yelled, "You never specified, so it automatically goes to one!"

"Damn it!" the Cathar yelled as she crossed her arms.

Amanda punched the air in victory as her two friends came out of stasis.

Motioning for the newly redeemed Jedi to follow, Amanda and co. made their way back to the enclave to report their success to the Council.

…

"... congratulations, Padawans, on bringing Juhani back to the light. You are now officially Knighits of the Jedi Order."

The newly knighted pair high-fived.

"As your first mission, you must investigate the ruins from your vision. If it was important to Revan and Malak, it is important to us and our quest to stop the Sith."

--

So we've finally updated! Its been quite awhile hasn't it? Life just got in the way but we're back!

Things to take note of:

Frantic!Manda was in no way shape or form altered from the actual person. 100% pure snark.

Disclaimer: We do not own Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, SPOCK. It belongs to the creators of The Big Bang Theory.


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